


watching the roses wither away

by Arythia



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: A Copious Amount Of Banter, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, I tried to give Ellie a tiny bit of common sense and it didn't work, Kind of slowburn but with several exceptions, No Lesbians Die, So much flirting, TW: Hostage Situation, everyone is stupid, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:49:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25239517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arythia/pseuds/Arythia
Summary: Ellie wanted Dina there with her, kissing her just like she had earlier. She wanted to be talking about everything and nothing for hours on end until they couldn’t keep their eyes open anymore, cuddling until they fell asleep in each other's arms. Ellie wanted all of it.-Or: Someone (someone being me) opened a google doc and keysmashed up an unholy amount of hurt/comfort.
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 58
Kudos: 354





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoyed tlou2 and felt the need to write a multichapter in lieu of hyperfixating in silence, so that's that I guess 
> 
> I appreciate any feedback, hope you enjoy! Updates will be as frequent as possible, but I don't have a schedule quite yet

For the first time in a long time, it was a fairly normal day for Ellie.

As normal as it gets for someone living amidst the end of the world, of course.

Everything around the fort had been fairly easy going for the last few days. It was going smoothly for once, even training. Summer was coming to an end, and the days had begun shortening as the heat had finally started to decline.

Normally, Ellie’s regiment was simple. Her day to day chores included enough labor that she stayed in good shape -- if anything a bit _too_ skinny. Most days she stuck to this schedule, but her plans had changed when Dina asked her to sneak out.

She had fair intentions, as far as Ellie knew; sneak Japan out of the stables, head to a little meadow outside the fort, and practice everything Tommy had gone over for the day. Ellie didn’t have an issue with it, even if she was a bit skeptical at first. Even so, Dina seemed to have it all worked out. 

Ellie trusted her, sure, she was apprehensive when it came to blatantly ignoring the rules that she had rooted deep in her mind for years, but she had always wanted to sneak out in the past. Maybe it was just for the thrill of it, but if she was going to break the rules, she wanted to do it with Dina.

And so, Ellie followed her.

═══════════════

As soon as the two arrived in the clearing, it was a bit more obvious why Dina had asked her to sneak out, and it certainly wasn't just for a spar. The entire grove seemed idyllic, a small break in the heavily wooded area that made up the outskirts of Jackson with a fire pit that had remained empty for weeks.

Everything was perfect, from the way that the warm sunlight fell faintly through the leaves to the way that the grass managed to stay soft and green even amidst the tail end of summer. Even the time of day was perfect; Sun slowly dropping in the sky and lighting up the county with a soft golden glow, two hours away from sunset at best.

As soon as they’d made it to the clearing, Ellie couldn't help but wonder if Dina really did want to practice. Ellie didn’t have an issue with it, though it didn’t really seem like Dina. She decided not to question it any further, seeing as it really could be as simple as practicing the new tactics Tommy had tried to drill into their brains earlier. 

“It’s really nice out today,” Ellie commented, glancing around the clearing as Dina tied the horse to one of the thinner trees surrounding them. Dina just nodded silently, her expression no more than a sly grin. 

After a moment of the shorter woman remaining silent, Ellie shook her head. “What on earth is going on with you? You’re never this quiet,” she chuckled, although there was a slight hint of apprehension to it. Perhaps it was just the fact that she and Dina were alone and quite far from Jackson, but regardless, she couldn’t help but feel like her friend was up to something.

“Oh, nothing, just been a long day,” Dina responded nonchalantly, though her grin remained just as prominent as ever. 

“Yeah, whatever you say,” Ellie shot back with a bit of a shiver to her tone. Watching as Dina turned to face her, it only took a moment of awkward eye contact to let the shorter of the two know that she would, in fact, be instigating.

Walking a bit closer to Ellie and letting her smile fade a bit, Dina finally broke the silence. “Ready to give it a go?” she asked softly, brown eyes trying to read the other’s expression to no avail.

Ellie nodded and turned to the side, grabbing her hoodie by the shoulders and pulling it over her head to toss it aside. 

To Dina’s very severe and _perhaps_ a bit justified disappointment, she did, in fact, have a shirt on beneath it. Even so, in the process of shedding her hoodie, she momentarily pulled up her t-shirt, revealing her stomach slightly in the process, which Dina had to force herself not to stare at. Tossing the hoodie aside and looking rather unbothered after, Ellie nodded. 

“Whenever you’re ready,” Ellie huffed, trying to look as smug as possible. The attempt was mostly in vain, seeing as little attention was paid to it. 

Instead of furthering their banter, Dina lunged forward at Ellie. After flashing a quick smile, she went low, trying to shove Ellie out of balance. Nerves jumping immediately, Ellie was driven forward by sheer adrenaline. 

She managed to avoid Dina’s attempt at a leg sweep, leaping backward to plan out her next action. Once Ellie saw that Dina wasn’t in the mood to hesitate, already surging toward her again, she practically hurtled herself forward, trying to grasp at the other’s arms as instructed.

A surprise to both of them, Ellie managed to latch onto her wrists. Somehow less surprising, unfortunate positioning led to a severe shortage of balance between them.

Through sheer lack of preparedness at that moment, Ellie’s eyes widened, barely managing to get her arm behind Dina as the two of them tumbled to the grass.

That hadn’t exactly gone to plan.

Although neither of them had been injured in the process, Ellie took a hit straight to her dignity. Time seemed to freeze as she towered over the shorter girl, her breath caught in her throat. 

Dina was the first to speak. “El? Are you alright up there?” she mumbled, half-concerned half-amused. 

Ellie was far from alright as far as she knew; her face burning up with a profuse blush that she couldn’t shake. Emerald green eyes widened, making Ellie look like she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t. _Hell, maybe this qualified as doing something she shouldn’t, but she didn’t care._

Nothing about the situation could be deemed morally correct from most viewpoints. Ellie Williams, making a move on her best friend, less than a week after said best friend had broken up with her _other_ best friend. 

But to Ellie? It felt far too good to care.

She lingered in silence for a moment, before steadying herself and bringing herself to speak. “I’m fine, ah… Yeah,” Ellie stammered, trying to clarify that she was, in fact, not about to combust. 

Dina paused, letting the realization set in. 

Letting out a stern huff and pushing Ellie up so that they were sitting beside each other on the grass, Dina moved closer to her. Her sienna brown gaze burned into Ellie with a certain ferocity that only she could give off.

“Are we doing this?” Ellie muttered anxiously, watching Dina flash an adoring smile. Raising a brow, the auburn-haired girl tried to read the other girl’s expression. “ _Oh_. This is happening,” she added -- less nervous this time around -- before her entire body was pulled closer to Dina’s with little to no warning.

When she kissed Dina, everything was soft. Gentle, even. That was something that Ellie least expected, Dina, of all people, being tender. The world seemed to fade away around them and everything else went blank, leaving Ellie at a loss for thoughts.

Their kiss didn’t last long. Ellie was the first to pull away, just as Dina’s hand found purchase on the back of her neck. The taller of the two didn’t move away, keeping their foreheads pressed together.

“El?” Dina breathed softly, her tone sincere and soothing.

“Yeah?” Ellie responded meekly, forest green eyes meeting coffee brown.

“Kiss me harder.”

Ellie didn’t hesitate. 

As soon as their lips met, a spark lit in her. Fervent static coursed through her entire body, encouraging her to keep moving as her eyes closed. Ellie’s hands seemed to wander on their own volition, grabbing halfheartedly at clothing before trailing away until the two eventually broke apart for air.

Once they were separated, Dina was met with the most terrified yet eager look she had ever seen on Ellie’s face. Her hands were shaking slightly, which Dina opted to ignore as soon as Ellie pulled her into another kiss, this time more intense than the last by a longshot. 

Ellie bit at Dina’s bottom lip with little to no mercy, before soothing the bite with her tongue, smirking ever so slightly against her lips. Something about the contact made Ellie’s entire body heat up, static running through her as she let pure instinct take over. 

Her hands wandered further and further down, stopping just before they could reach the exact place that they both wanted her to be.

To Dina’s surprise, Ellie pulled away just as her hands reached Dina’s hips.

The shorter of the two wasn’t upset by her actions, she was worried. Had she been too sudden? Too pushy? It didn’t feel like it, not with the way that Ellie had reciprocated. 

They stared at each other in the eye for a moment, long enough for Ellie to realize that she couldn’t take it any longer. Nervously backing away a bit more before standing up, guilt surged through her body, overtaking her rational thinking.

This was Dina.

She didn’t have a chance.

“Ellie, are you okay?” Dina asked gently, brows raised with concern. She watched as the taller girl nodded and pulled herself further away, walking over to pick up her backpack.

“I’m fine, ah, I’m gonna, uh,” Ellie paused, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. “I’m gonna go back to Jackson now, we’ve been out for a bit and I don’t want anyone worrying.” She hesitated for a moment, deciding not to wait for another word from Dina before turning and starting a jog back to the fort.

Dina looked perplexed. Didn’t she want to ride back? Had she messed up? Was she going to make it back safe?

Of course she’d make it back safe. This was Ellie fucking Williams. That didn’t stop her from overthinking every single cue Ellie had made, worrying about where she had messed up. Maybe she had been in the wrong for even thinking of Ellie kissing her. 

It took a moment of sitting in the clearing in silence to process everything. Ellie’s scent still lingered on her. She couldn’t stop thinking of the way that the taller girl had been towering over her, the way she had so eagerly pulled their bodies together for another kiss, everything about her. 

She really did love that girl to pieces.

═══════════════

Ellie’s run home went off without a hitch. 

She didn’t have any unwarranted encounters, and if anyone was trying to stop her, they clearly weren’t trying hard enough. The mindless physical exertion let her mind focus on something other than Dina and the burning tenseness that she had left, making her weak in the knees. In an attempt to bury the thought of the kiss into the back of her mind, Ellie focused on counting her paces in sets of ten, all the way back to the fort. 

Once she’d reached their secret gap in the wall, Ellie shoved the palette blocking it aside, sneaking past before placing it back and making her way into the walls. Getting through the barricade put Ellie behind a few houses, most of which empty, along with a spare tool shed. Never before had she been so grateful for the teens that had chosen this spot to tunnel through.

Acting as casually as she could, Ellie formed an excuse for herself to use if she ran into anyone, trying to get to her house as quickly as she possibly could. She needed a serious time out from life, and more than that, time to think everything over.

The sky had already begun to darken. Clouds that were once pale white had reddened, bathing the fort in soft orange light. Eventually, it would be put to an end, but Ellie decided to enjoy it while it lasted.

Just as she reached the main road that led to her house, Ellie was stopped dead in her tracks.

“Ellie,” the woman began, speeding her pace up to put a hand on Ellie’s shoulder. 

Of course, Ellie knew exactly who was stopping her. Maria.

“Where in hell’s name have you been? We missed you and Dina at dinner,” Maria clarified, sounding almost worried. 

Ellie thought back to her excuse. “Dina was teaching me how to work a gadget she and Eugene came up with a while back. We got to talking, you know how she gets,” she trailed off, trying to divert the attention from her white lie.

Maria nodded tentatively, not buying a single second of it. 

“Alright, for real, where on god’s green earth is that girl? Japan’s missing from the stables.” Pausing for a moment to gauge Ellie’s reaction, Maria carried on. “I don’t care if she snuck out, just be honest with me.”

“Fine. Yeah. We snuck out together -- she just wanted to practice everything that Tommy went over today,” Ellie explained, looking Maria in the eye as if to prove her sincerity.

“Is that all?” the older of the two asked, furrowing a brow. Something felt off about Ellie, perhaps it was her severe lack of overconfidence that she normally fell back on, but she didn’t seem quite right. 

Maria didn’t see her as the type to just confess after leaving like that, not after the last four years of her being one of the most diligent members of the community.

“Mhm, she uh, she’ll be back pretty soon. I don’t know if she left after me or not.” 

“Did something happen between you two? It’s none of my business, I get it, you just seem shaken up.” Maria looked worried. In a way, Ellie understood why, but she desperately wanted to get home then and there.

Swallowing anxiously and nodding, Ellie continued. It didn’t feel weird talking to Maria about her problems, seeing as the time she’d spent in the fort had brought them together in a mother-daughter sort of way. This felt different.

“She… She asked me to kiss her?” 

Maria crossed her arms before she spoke, making sure Ellie was done. “Are you two together?” she asked, coming off as nonchalantly as she could. The last thing she wanted was more for Ellie to worry about.

Ellie shrugged, simply because she didn’t know. “No. But, I really do like her. Have for the longest time,” she added with an apprehensive chuckle, shaking her head. “She and Jesse are on a break, I just… I don’t know if she has feelings for me that way.” 

Maria would have laughed if it weren’t for the matter at hand. 

If only Ellie knew how oblivious she looked at that moment.

“Have you seen the way she looks at you, heard the way she talks about you?” she asks, keeping her voice soft as to not let anyone else hear what she was saying. “Trust me on this one. That girl is head over heels for you.” 

Letting out the breath she didn’t notice she had been holding onto, Ellie remained still as Maria gave her a light pat on the shoulder. 

“Alright, I’ve gotta head home. Do me a favor and get something to eat before it gets too late.” Maria gave her a slight smile, a rare sight from her before she turned and started back down the road.

Ellie stood stock-still, looking down at the road to think to herself. Had she really done that? Had she really told Maria that she had done that?

She didn’t have time to think it over at that moment. Rounding the corner and skipping the steps up to her porch, the second Ellie closed the door behind herself, she nearly burnt up.

All that she could feel was disbelief, piled on top of unbridled want. 

She wanted Dina there with her, kissing like they had earlier. She wanted to be talking about everything and nothing for hours on end until they couldn’t keep their eyes open anymore, cuddling until they fell asleep in each other's arms. Ellie wanted all of it. Her mind wandered elsewhere, to more self-indulgent fantasies, but she shoved those thoughts to the back of her mind and shook her head. 

It hadn’t set in that she, Ellie, had actually kissed Dina. In a pretty little clearing in the woods, of all places. She couldn’t get the image out of her mind, the way Dina’s eyes looked, how sweet her voice had sounded. That led her mind to even more places that she didn’t want it to be. 

Nothing she could think up would shake the feeling of guilt that she felt at that moment.

She didn't have a chance.

She was in for a long night.

  
  


═══════════════

  
  


Dina wasn’t quite sure what she should do upon getting back to Jackson. She didn’t know if Ellie wanted to see her, in fact, she doubted it. For the sake of not pushing for anything, she decided to leave the other girl alone. It seemed like that was what she wanted out of the situation, just a while to herself. 

Instead of looking for her friend, Dina made her way to the mess hall. It had been a long day, and being out that evening had tired her out a bit more than usual. The emotional strain didn’t quite help, not after everything she’d gone through with Ellie. 

Making her way up to the counter, Dina was met by the familiar sight of Seth working in the lines. Normally she avoided conversations with him and went along with her day, but he seemed to have something to say.

“Hey, Maria told me to give this to you, said to bring it over to Ellie. Wants to make sure she’s still eating,” he explained gruffly, holding out a Tupperware box with their usual rations inside. 

Normally, the raven-haired girl avoided any and all contact with Seth. If he wasn’t drunk or sulking in a corner, he was picking fights. If he wasn’t picking fights, he was acting like he’d done nothing wrong.

“Thanks, I’ll bring it to her,” Dina responded, taking the box off the end of the counter. Keeping their contact as minimal as possible, she turned to the door and left.

Usually, Dina wasn’t one to skip out on dinner. She had always enjoyed spending time with whoever else was in the hall, even if that meant getting tangled up in drama left, right, and center. It was familiar. But tonight, all she really needed was some peace and quiet. 

The stop at Ellie’s house was a quick one, setting the Tupperware container down on a chair just outside her house, knocking, telling her that it was from Maria, and leaving. She didn’t wait for a response, knowing far too well that Ellie wouldn’t want to talk about earlier. Dina could handle the wait for clarification if she needed to.

From there, Dina made a beeline home. She was tired and full of emotions and by god did she want to sit down and just _think._ Maybe on purpose, maybe not, Dina didn’t drop off Ellie’s hoodie with her dinner. Sure, she was going to, in theory at least, but she was too tired to go back once she realized that the hoodie was still tied around her waist.

Once she made it back to her house, Dina heeled off her boots and swung her backpack off of her shoulder, setting her pistol down on the table next to her door. 

Dina decided to go directly to her room. Nothing could beat a little bit of rest, not at that moment.

Opening the door to her quaint yet tidy bedroom, Dina untied the hoodie from her waist and tossed it onto the chair across the room, before promptly flopping down on her bed and letting out a long sigh.

She felt bad.

Ellie was probably overthinking everything, as she usually did with things like this. She was the type to think until she physically could not handle any more thinking. Once she was done thinking, she stressed over all of those thoughts nonstop. 

Dina didn’t want their relationship to be like that. 

As hard as they both tried to deny it, the two of them were head over heels. Dina had been since the first time her friend had really opened up to her and gone on that whole tangent about comics -- when Ellie was still the new girl. 

Part of Dina didn’t know if Ellie felt the same. The doubt was painful, but it was there. She hated to address it, and she did anything she could to hide how she felt, but the realization of what she’d done today had really sealed the deal for her.

It felt wrong in the best way. It felt so incredibly wrong knowing that she and Jesse had only just gone on a break from their relationship. Nothing about it seemed like something she should be doing, but it still felt so right.

Dina huffed, trying to clear her mind. Her thoughts wandered and wandered, hoping that Ellie felt the same, hoping that Jesse could forgive her. To be fair, he would never need to know, but it brought her comfort to imagine him being fine with it.

A low groan welling in her throat out of sheer frustration, Dina stood and walked over to her closet. She tugged off her jeans and replaced them with a pair of shorts that better suited the uncomfortable heat that blanketed the county, then paused.

Ellie’s hoodie. 

Despite her better judgment, Dina walked over and picked it up, pulling it up to bury her face in it. Something about the way that Ellie’s scent clung to it calmed her nerves and made her feel like she was safe.

From there, she clutched the hoodie to her chest and walked over to her bed, lifting the sheets up and laying down. It was still too warm to justify pulling the covers over herself, so Dina just curled up around the fabric and smiled softly.

It still didn’t feel like the right thing to do. It felt good, like it was meant to happen, but the shame that coursed through her entire body refused to settle. 

Ellie didn’t know that she was doing this. She probably hadn’t even realized that her hoodie was missing in the first place, knowing her and all. 

Dina buried those doubts and clutched the hoodie closer to herself, letting her breathing slow down as she dozed off. 

Every single bit of her wished that Ellie was there with her, curled up in her arms, sleeping peacefully. There wasn’t a single thing that Dina wanted more at that moment. 

That was the most peaceful night of sleep that she’d had in a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Ellie did  _ not  _ want to wake up that morning.

She had no choice in the matter but hell, that was the deepest sleep she’d had in months, and she didn’t want to let it go too easily. Her dreams had been so peaceful that she’d been able to remember them, and for once, it wasn’t because they had been so horrible that she wanted them wiped from her memory entirely.

In a somewhat unfortunate turn of events, Ellie had ended up assigned to a patrol first thing in the morning. She didn’t want to acknowledge it, but it had to happen.

A loud few thuds at her door confirmed her suspicions.

The knock at her door was followed by an overly enthusiastic Tommy, to which she internally grumbled. 

“Ellie, rise n’ shine!” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there in a sec,” Ellie raised her voice enough to get her point across, though she still sounded as groggy as ever. She rolled over in bed and sat up on the edge of the mattress, dragging her hands down her face with a soft groan.

Eventually, she stood up and walked over to her desk, reaching to grab her hoodie off of her chair, only to be met by empty space. She must have forgotten it in the clearing yesterday. Dina had probably remembered it, she thought, and resolved to ask her about it later that afternoon. 

For now, she had bigger problems than just the chill of the morning, so she tugged on a red flannel instead. In a few hasty movements, she picked up her pistol off the desk, shoving it in her back pocket, then swung her backpack over her shoulder and grabbed her switchblade from the nightstand. As quickly as possible, she tugged on her converse, then made her way over to the door.

As soon as she opened the door, she was met by a surprisingly awake Tommy, and a surge of chilled air. Luckily, the cold was enough to wake her up and kick her senses into gear again.

“Alright, you’ve got Jesse and Aren today. Be thankful we stuck you on the shorter route, least you won’t be out ‘til the cows come home,” Tommy added, flashing her a smirk as she emerged from the house.

Ellie rolled her eyes as subtly as possible when she heard Jesse’s name. She had no problems with him, truthfully -- he was one of her best friends, after all, -- but she really wasn’t in the mood to act normal after yesterday. That brought back all of her memories from the previous day in an overwhelming wave.

Making her way down the porch steps, Ellie felt Tommy lingering behind her. 

“Anything else about the trails?” she asked, trying to clarify why he had followed along.

“Nope. Just wanted to walk.” Tommy smiled unapologetically and gave her a little clap on the shoulder.

Ellie shook her head and smiled as they started their walk toward the stables, waving at the few men that were already up and working. The streets were still faintly lit, illuminated by the lanterns hanging from the awnings of the buildings lining the main road. Even if the faint beginnings of daylight would be enough to see, the town liked to keep their streets lit. They had a thriving source of electricity, and it made things far easier.

The upside of being awake at such an ungodly hour was the lack of crowding that Jackson normally suffered from. Their path to the stables was a clear one, and before long, Ellie found herself heading through the gate, turning to face Tommy.

“Be safe out there,” he finished, giving her a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder before sending her off in the direction of the stables.

“I will,” Ellie responded, giving him a determined grin before she turned to leave.

Once she had gotten to the stables, Ellie was handed a pair of reins, those of which belonged to Shimmer. The horse nudged her shoulder gently as she walked her down to the end of the barn, leading her out to the clearing near the front gate.

Jesse and Aren were already waiting for her there, as presumed. As soon as she was in place, she was handed her rifle, even if she doubted that she’d need it, and she pulled herself onto the back of her horse with minimal effort.

It took a moment of shifting around to be comfortable in her saddle, but eventually, she found her position and lowered her heels in her stirrups, waiting for the call to leave. It’d be a lie to say she was looking forward to the day’s expedition, but at least she was prepared for it.

“You all know your routes?” the man in charge of the gate called over his shoulder, watching as the two groups nodded in somewhat composed approval. 

Ellie doubted that he cared what their response was to that question.

“Open up the gates!”

═══════════════

It had only been ten minutes since the patrol had started, and Ellie already wanted it to be over. Listening to Jesse and Aren talk was possibly the most painful thing she’d been put through in a while, and that was saying something. Mindless chatter was fun and all, but Ellie really wasn’t in the mood.

At least she was in front of the group. The slight distance that she earned by leading the group made it far easier to zone out and focus on her work above all else.

To Tommy’s credit, he’d given them one of the more scenic routes for the day. 

For an early morning on the tail end of summer, it was fairly warm out. The warm sunlight filtered through the leaves above them, and Ellie let herself enjoy the feeling while it lasted. Even in her usually paranoid and perhaps a bit  _ too  _ alert state, she was fine slowing down for once and taking the world in for what it was -- a beautiful disaster.

The trail would take an hour and a half at most to clear if all went smoothly, and eventually, they could loop back around and head back to the compound. 

She didn’t dislike either of them on their own, but their empty small talk left much to be desired.

Aren had never given Ellie reason to talk bad about him. He was a bit of an outsider in the looks department -- he had short blonde hair, some of the bluest eyes that Ellie had ever seen, and perhaps most obviously, he was built like a steer. He’d moved into Jackson with his dad a few months back, and since then, he’d proven himself useful. 

It was all fun and games until Jesse pulled her into the conversation.

“What about you, Ellie?” he asked, giving her no other context.

“Huh?” Ellie questioned, raising one brow. In all honesty, she’d paid little to no attention to their discussion, and she wasn’t quite sure what they had been asking her.

“Last horde you fought off. I’m sure you’ve got tons of stories for the new recruits, gotta get them spooked enough to keep ‘em on edge, y’know?” Jesse smirked as he continued on down the path, needing to raise his voice a bit to reach Ellie. “Keeps them sharp.”

“Oh, probably back this last Spring.” Ellie couldn’t help but smirk as she started, trying to gauge Aren’s reactions. “Me and Dina were out on a day patrol on the canyon trail, there was a bunch of runners passing through. Had to be at least fifteen, maybe twenty in that group?” 

“Holy shit,” Aren quipped, shifting around uncomfortably in his saddle. “Back when I was a kid, my dad would tell me all these stories about the hordes, but I’ve never seen one in person.”

“Good for you. We barely made it out after that one. Usually, we don’t get too many hordes around here, plus, you won’t be going out on partnered patrols for a while.” Ellie smiled to herself, feeling Aren’s discomfort even from a distance. 

“You and Dina, huh?” Jesse mused, a faint smirk landing on his face as he followed along. “Speaking of her, how’s she been? She wasn’t at dinner last night.”

Ellie shook her head and smiled. “She’s good, we were out late trying to spar. I think she had the stables today, so she was probably just resting up.” 

“Ah. Did she uh, say anything?” he asked, if anything a bit anxiously.

Ellie chuckled. “Dina said a lot of things. Nothing of relevance to you,” she added, keeping her face forward to hide the smug grin on her face. 

Jesse sighed and continued trotting along, ignoring Ellie’s remark. She was right, technically, but he and Dina were still friends after the fact. It didn’t -- shouldn’t -- matter to him anymore.

“What? Hoping she’s already trying to get back with you?” Ellie questioned, smiling to herself. “Don’t worry, I’d give it about a week. She’ll be back.” 

“Ellie, please don’t start this right now,” he huffed, furrowing his brow.

“Start what? You asked so I delivered,” she called proudly, adjusting her grip on her reins as she rounded a corner on the trail. 

Aren had gone particularly silent, presumably trying to block out the seemingly private conversation that the other two were having. It seemed more like bickering, but still, personal bickering. Neither Jesse nor Ellie cared if he heard, but that was rather obvious.

“God, how does she still put up with you?” Jesse remarked, a bit of amusement buried in his tone. 

“She loves me and all of my irritating habits, it’s what makes me special,” she declared, looking rather pleased with herself. 

“Ellie Williams, it truly is a miracle that you made it past infancy.” 

“Damn right, I  _ am  _ a miracle.” 

═══════════════

As soon as the trio had arrived at the lookout and marked the trails as clear, it was smooth sailing home. Luckily, Ellie had managed to avoid all of the small talks and instead zoned out while fidgeting with a lock of Shimmer’s mane. Riding in front always made her treks easier, allowing her to focus on anything other than the people joining her on her patrols.

Ellie always worked better on her own, or so she’d thought. 

The only people she  _ really _ enjoyed working with were Joel and Dina. Joel had taught her so much, and he’d always been there to save her whenever she got herself into a stupid and entirely preventable situation. Dina, meanwhile, didn’t let her get into those situations in the first place, and always seemed to be a step ahead of whatever mother nature threw at them. 

Needless to say, she trusted them.

That wasn’t to imply that she didn’t trust anyone else -- Jackson had plenty of capable fighters -- but overall, she never felt a connection to them. Whenever she was with anyone else, Ellie felt a need to be in control of the situation. She felt as if stepping back and letting others take the lead would put people in danger, even if it was one of the most competent men in the compound.

It felt selfish, but most, if not all of her patrols, were lead by her. There was a mutual understanding between her and Tommy regarding the fact that she did better at the front of a group, taking the initiative. In a way, they both found comfort in that fact.

While the group made their way back to the fort, Ellie found herself in a state of contentedness that she rarely found anymore. She clung to that feeling for dear life. Part of her tried to wonder why she felt the way she did, but she knew exactly what was causing it. Above all else, it was the thought of yesterday on repeat.

She couldn’t help but wonder if Dina was working in the stables for the day. 

No choice but to find out for herself.

As the front wall came into view, Ellie led the group up to the gate and pulled back on her reins, bringing Shimmer to a stop as the men pushed the gate open. 

The three filed into the walls and made their way past the few soldiers lining the gate, Ellie being the first to hop off of her horse and give her plenty of attention for her work. Both she and Shimmer were thankful for the lack of excitement for the day, but the horse had still worked up a sweat throughout the ride. 

Ellie smiled and proudly walked the horse into the barn, stopping by a crosstie and slipping the bridle off her face - taking extra caution around the bit. Normally the stable workers would untack the horses for the patrols, but Ellie preferred to do it herself. 

After Shimmer was situated and her halter was buckled on her face, Ellie hung up her bridle on her stall door. Just as she went to loosen up the latigo, she heard a familiar voice from across the barn.

“Hey, you’re back,” Dina remarked, walking up to lean on the wall near the crosstie. “Hello Shimmer, you look very nice today.”

Ellie chuckled as she shot Dina a faint smile, finally getting the strap of leather to give way as she unbuckled the cinch. “Sleep well?” she asked, trying to start a casual conversation. There was an undeniable tension between them, weighing heavily over Ellie’s head. It was hard for her to tell if she had too much or too little to say. 

“Fantastic, actually. Dare I say, the best sleep I’ve had since the time we got blackout drunk at the bonfire and I passed out on your floor.” Dina watched as Ellie untacked the horse, crossing her arms as she did.

“Wow, that’s really saying something, huh?” Ellie questioned, smirking as she flipped the stirrups up over the horn of the saddle and pulled it off of Shimmer’s back in one motion, carrying it over to the tack room with Dina following her.

“It’s a nice floor, gotta say.” Dina shrugged unapologetically, turning to face the other two horses that entered the barn. Jesse was the first to enter, holding out his reins as he walked up to her. The two shared an awkward glance, Dina forcing a little smile. “Hey, Jesse,” she mumbled, turning to tie up the horse instead of dwelling on the conversation.

Ellie, meanwhile, picked up a bucket of brushes and walked back to Shimmer without another word. 

“How’s stable work been treating you?” Jesse asked, walking up to stand across from Dina while she started untacking his horse. 

“Pretty well. Better than patrols with you, to be fair,” Dina added jokingly, making an attempt to get on his nerves. 

Jesse just rolled his eyes and watched her work, kicking a pebble around on the barn floor. “We were wondering where you were at dinner yesterday. You never miss it.”

“Sparring with Ellie,” she replied, keeping the majority of her focus on the horse.

“I told you,” Ellie said, holding up one hand at Jesse before he could argue the point.

“Might I just say, to her credit, Ellie is a  _ phenomenal  _ sparring partner,” the raven-haired girl added a bit too much emphasis to the word ‘phenomenal,’ making a clear effort to bother Ellie.

“I tripped us in less than sixty seconds, and we weren’t even onto the material yet.” Ellie shot Dina a warning in the form of the most deadpan look she could muster, trying to put emphasis on her point.

“I had the time of my life, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dina combated the death stare with possibly the dumbest grin she ever did grin, waiting for Ellie to give in to her advances. 

“Sounds like you two enjoyed yourselves?” Jesse asked, smiling amusedly. 

“We did, didn’t we Ellie?” Dina asked, raising a brow as she pulled the saddle off of Jesse’s horse and walked off to the tack room.

Ellie, although she was a bit red, kept herself as nonchalant as possible. “Yeah, it was alright,” she said, keeping her head down as she brushed the dust out of Shimmer’s fur. 

“Oh  _ whatever,  _ you’re such an ass,” Dina called from the tack room, followed by a small chuckle.

Shaking her head, Ellie unclipped the lead rope from Shimmer’s halter and lead her over to her stall, walking her in and turning her around. After she was inside, she took off the halter and laughed softly when the horse nudged her hand over the door. “I know just what you want,” Ellie mumbled, reaching over to grab a carrot from the bag she kept by the stall, holding it up for her horse.

After the horse had been given plenty of treats and affection, Ellie headed towards the door to make her way to the mess hall. Jesse followed in rapid succession.

“What happened back there?” he puzzled, raising a brow with mild intrigue. 

“Just Dina being Dina,” Ellie stated plainly, letting out a little sigh as she did. 

“If you say so.”

═══════════════

Later that evening, Ellie decided to go back to the mess hall for dinner. It was rare that she participated with any of the conversations, but she liked to be around other people every once in a while -- more specifically Dina. 

Being around Dina usually didn’t entail  _ actually  _ interacting with her, not in group settings at least. Something about the other girl just wasn’t present with Ellie, that spark to be social in any situation, that ability to talk and laugh with groups for hours if she wanted to. It was fascinating watching her light up a room, the way she managed to carry conversations for hours with little to no difficulty. 

Ellie loved to see her laugh.

The only thing she loved more than seeing Dina happy was being the one to make her that way.

Maybe it was just her unfathomably massive crush, but Ellie wouldn’t trade the moments they shared for the world. The moments when it was just them, rambling about whatever they could, laughing mindlessly about whatever stupid nonsense they came up with. 

It was only when Ellie felt a flick on her arm that she was snapped out of her trance-like state, said focus being broken by the girl sitting next to her. Cat.

“You still in there, Williams?” Cat jested, laughing softly as she nudged her elbow. “You look like your soul left your body.”

She and Cat had a long, long, overly-complicated history. And yet, they’d remained friends through it all. Sure, Dina was beyond jealous of Cat, and the feeling was definitely mutual, but Ellie had failed to see most of that. 

“I’m fine, just, tired. Didn’t sleep great last night, that’s all,” she grumbled, shaking her head as Cat metaphorically bounced off the walls.

“You’re staring. Who are you staring at?” the shorter of the two quizzed, clutching onto Ellie’s wrist. “You can tell me.”

Ellie groaned and stared at the table, trying to tune out Cat’s remarks. 

“Please? I just wanna make sure your standards are still alive n’ kicking.” Cat pulled away as soon as she felt Ellie tensing up, backing away as to not make her uncomfortable. 

“It’s Dina,” Ellie confessed, still looking away as Cat tried to read her expression.

“Oh really? Thought you found someone else to be hung up on but, I can see it.” Cat paused, watching the cogs turn in Ellie’s mind.

Upon Ellie making an especially frustrated face at the table, Cat burst out in a fit of laughter.

“What has gotten into you?” Ellie muttered, raising a brow as the shorter girl snickered.

“You should’ve seen the look on your fuckin’ face, god, you are  _ so fucking whipped, _ ” Cat jabbed, shaking her head as her giggles came to an end. “I wish I had a camera right now.”

“Cat, this isn’t a joke. I feel really bad about this -- I mean, fuck, she and Jesse  _ just  _ broke up.” Ellie scowled at herself, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt in one hand. The thought of Jesse made her feel uncertain, she had technically kissed his girlfriend, even if they weren’t an item at the time. 

“They broke up like, a whole week ago. Chill. Aren’t you all friends anyway? Jesse doesn’t give a flying fuck,” Cat resolved, her expression taking on a more innocuous look. 

Ellie shook her head. “It isn’t that easy, I mean, what if she still likes him? She could have anyone in this town, she has… absolutely no reason to choose me.” Her gaze fell to the floor as she came to the realization, trying to divert her attention. Dina could be with anyone that she wanted. Of course she wouldn’t want her. 

“ _ Ellie. _ You need to be less down on yourself, you know? You’ve got a lot going, anyone would be lucky to be with you.” The shorter girl huffed and put her arm around her friend’s shoulder, pulling herself close. Ellie didn’t mind it. “What happened between you two that has you acting all… you know, mushy?”

Letting out a short laugh of discontentment, Ellie just looked the other girl in the eye, trying to find the right words. “You wanna know the truth, or do you wanna hear the version that sounds better?” 

Cat looked like she actually had to think it over for a good few moments.

“I’ll take the truth, if you’re being serious about telling me that is,” she prompted, still keeping her arm around Ellie, somewhat protectively in nature.

“Yesterday, when we were out,” Ellie started, still fumbling with the fabric between her fingers. “We fell over, while we were trying to spar. And when we fell, she.. Kissed me?”

The auburn-haired girl sat stock-still, looking Cat in the eye like she’d just confessed to a life of criminal activity. Back when criminal activity wasn’t a normal thing to do, at least. 

“Ellie, I said to tell the truth,” Cat muttered before a broad grin spread across her face. “I’m pulling your leg. She’s swooning hard.” She stopped for a moment to watch Ellie, trying to understand what was going through her mind. “You gotta tell her how you feel.”

“I will, I just don’t know how yet,” Ellie stammered, bouncing her knee anxiously. 

“Be romantic n’ shit, pull out the guitar, play her a little song? I dunno. Just tell her what you feel and be honest.” 

Ellie bit her lip and nodded. “Yeah.”

═══════════════

After everyone had gone home for the evening, Ellie had entirely zoned out with her notebook, making random drawings of anything and everything that came to mind. Anything that could help her zone out and stop worrying about Dina. She loved nights like these, times that let her block out the world. 

Sometimes her best thoughts came from nights like these. In her own world, with nothing to bother her or stop her from letting her mind run wild until she gave in to sleep. 

Eventually, doodling random animals turned to scribbling down faint sketches of Dina, the only girl who could take up her mind on a near-constant basis. When drawing Dina wasn’t enough, she switched to writing.

_ The selfish part of me wants to ask her if she likes me the way I like her. But I can’t. Can’t risk messing up our friendship like that. I wish we could just be closer. She reminds me of that one song that we found on that old vinyl back in spring. _

Ellie paused for a moment, searching her brain for any lyrics that she remembered, waiting for the song to come back to her.

_ In the morning when I wake _

_ And the sun is coming through _

_ Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness, _

_ And you fill my head with you. _

_ Should I write it in a letter? _

_ Shall I try to get it down? _

_ Oh you fill my head with pieces, _

_ Of a song I can't get out. _

_ Can I be close to you? _

_ Am7 - C - G  _

_ maybe? I’m bad at progressions. _

_ Fuck it. _

_ Maybe I’m just stupid for thinking she’d feel like that about me. She could have anyone in this town, I can’t blame her for wanting someone -- anyone -- else. _

_ I don’t want to lose her. _

Ellie slammed her journal closed and stood up, rubbing her eyes and letting out a heavy sigh. Eventually, she gave up and wandered over to her bed, laying down on her side and reaching for one of her pillows. The upside to having several pillows was the fact that if she closed her eyes and hugged one close enough to her, she could pretend that the world had thrown her a bone and let her fall asleep next to her favorite person.

Of course, that couldn’t happen. Not yet, if ever.

That didn’t stop Ellie from falling into one of the most peaceful nights of sleep she’d had in a long time, dreaming of one of the only things that she could still find peace in.

Dina.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics in her journal are from Bloom by The Paper Kites! a lot of this is gonna be taking influence from that song
> 
> tried to get this up pretty fast, hope you enjoyed <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait! My laptop charger broke and I had to write the majority of this on mobile. Hope you enjoy it regardless!

It was far too cold to still be summer.

Even in the crowded jumble of people that filled the mess hall, it was frigid, and Ellie still didn’t have her favorite hoodie back. She concluded that she’d have to ask Dina for it later, but for the time being she settled on stealing one of Joel’s jackets. He had plenty and never seemed to complain.

Despite the fact that she was hungry as everloving hell, Ellie still picked around her food tentatively, spacing out amidst the bustle that filled the room. As usual she was still tired, but she was assigned to the front gate for the day, and much to her distaste, that meant being up early.

Ellie quite enjoyed the gate shifts, in all honesty. Generally speaking, it was bland work, and allowed her to take a break from patrolling every day — she enjoyed the trips, but they tired her out far more than working around the fort. Being in charge of the gate also took up a large portion of her day and gave her less time to kill otherwise, which was always appreciated.

Just as she felt herself preparing to block out the world for the rest of the day, Ellie felt a firm hand give her a few taps on the shoulder, to which she nearly jumped out of her skin. 

Jesse. Fantastic.

Exactly the person she did not want to associate with at the crack of dawn.

“Whoa, calm down Ellie,” he said with a chuckle, setting down his tray next to hers before sitting himself down. 

“Sorry, I’m not really a fan of whatever that was,” she grumbled, rubbing her eyes as she scooted over for him. 

Realistically, he probably just wanted somewhere to sit that put distance between him and all of the guys clambering over Dina now that she was  _ newly single  _ and all, but Ellie didn’t quite enjoy it regardless. 

Part of her wondered if Dina actually wanted all of the attention she was getting after her breakup, even if it was a rather underwhelming end to their relationship. Ellie hated watching the guys around the fort try and court her, mostly because it was painful to see their failed attempts, but partially because she wanted to be in their place. She wanted to be the one flirting relentlessly with Dina in broad daylight, straight to everyone else’s faces. Even if she couldn’t make that happen.

“Calm down, Willams. You’re really jumpy for one of our most competent,” Jesse quipped, earning a faint scowl from the auburn-haired girl. If he had been trying to strike a nerve, he hadn’t succeeded, but Ellie was not in the mood regardless.

“Oh ha-ha. Save it for later, I’d punch you right now if it weren’t so goddamn early.” Ellie tapped her heel on the floor, yawning as she turned back to her food. 

“Too sleepy to punch me? Who are you, and what have you done with our Ellie?” he asked, flashing her a little smirk. 

“Be thankful for my mercy,” she warned, shaking her head with a quiet laugh. “What is it with you people and being  _ so _ awake this early?” 

“It’s called  _ going to bed before midnight, _ but you probably wouldn’t know how that works out, huh?” 

“Hey! I go to bed before midnight. Occasionally.” Ellie swallowed nervously, glancing away from him. “Okay, fine, sure. You’ve got a point, but it isn’t like you go to sleep early, you guys stay up late  _ sometimes. _ ”

“Once a month at most, and we try to do those on days off,” he countered, shoveling some of his breakfast into his mouth afterward. 

“Whatever, you win.” Ellie sighed, looking down at the table before shooting a glance up at Jesse. “Hey, speaking of those bonfire nights, do we have one coming up anytime soon?” she asked, out of pure curiosity.

“Huh? Didn’t take you as the type, you know, ‘not your scene’ and all.” Jesse shrugged and raised a brow. “You’re not missing out, usually it’s just a bunch of us in my backyard drinking and talking.”

Ellie nodded, racking her brain in an attempt to remember the last time she went to one of the Jackson teenage functions. It was probably horrible, but it was part of growing up in their dysfunctional yet lively community. 

“Plus, last time you showed up, you blacked out and Dina had to drag you the whole way home.”

That explained the gap in her memory well enough.

“Makes sense, I spose,” she responded with a little nod. 

“Anyway, we have one tonight. We’re doing a harvest bonfire, it was Dina’s idea. Probably an excuse to get hammered and hear you play for us, if you want,” he offered, shooting her a grin. “She was gonna invite you herself.”

Ellie felt a little grin creep onto her face at the mention of Dina, before answering. “Sure. I’ll be there.”

═══════════════

Later that afternoon, Ellie was perched up on the guard post, preparing herself to bark orders at the recruits down by the gates. It was around four in the afternoon, and Ellie’s shift would be over as soon as the patrols were switched out. Luckily for her, it had warmed up a bit since earlier that morning, but there was an undoubted chill hanging in the air.

The walls hadn’t had much activity for the day, seeing as the infected had been seemingly sparse in numbers as of late and the patrols had little to no stagger. Eventually the gate would be bustling with people entering and leaving, but for now it was rather tame. She preferred it that way.

Before long, the first patrol arrived. Ellie went about her business, commanding her men to do as required, keeping her focus wherever it was needed. All went as planned, as it  _ should  _ be.

One by one the groups filed in, until there was only one left to return. 

Ellie tensed up.

Dina’s group.

She remembered seeing Dina out earlier that morning, but her patrol had yet to come back. No matter what she told herself, she couldn’t help but worry. 

A few minutes passed. No other patrols to be seen. 

Ellie knew Dina well. She was capable and strong, and she had so much fight in her that she might as well be a killing machine, but on top of that, she was punctual. Oftentimes Ellie worried about her when she was on the gate shift, but most of the time Dina had been amongst the first few groups to return.

Something felt off. Dina had left before any of the other patrols, and she knew her route like the back of her hand. 

Just as she began to worry even more, Ellie saw two horses galloping full speed ahead towards the gate. 

They weren’t alone.

Urgency flooded Ellie’s brain as she ran up to the edge of the wall, grabbing her rifle as she threw an order at her men. “Open the gate! Make it quick!” 

_ Fuck.  _ Ellie’s mind started racing, all of her prior composure being thrown to shit as she sprung into action.

“The rest of you need to hurry your asses up here! We’ve got a horde!” she shouted, hastily switching the safety on the rifle before aiming at the infected and taking a few shots. Her efforts did nothing to the greater mass of the group, other than pluck off a few that were left dead in the tracks of the others. 

Ellie couldn’t care to count them, but she swore that there had to be upwards of twenty, all stumbling over each other as they raced toward the wall. She couldn’t lose Dina.  _ Wouldn’t. _

There were too many for her to take down on her own. 

The gate was opened just in time for the patrol to get inside, and Ellie spared one glance at them to make sure they were in one piece. They both looked bloodied up, but they were still standing. 

_ Dina. She had made it back alive _ .

Ellie’s attention was quickly yanked back to the problem in front of her, the swarm of infected growing closer and closer in a matter of seconds while her soldiers clambered up the walls. Part of her wanted nothing more than to run down there and make sure that the two were alright, but instead she focused on shooting down the runners that stampeded closer to her home.

Everything was  _ loud.  _ Far too loud. It was so loud that Ellie couldn’t hear anything above her own heartbeat, save for the neverending screams coming from the wave of undead that she faced.

Before long they had thinned out the group. They continued shooting them down one by one until none remained standing, finally putting an end to the bloodcurdling screeches that they released. Ellie felt her heart pounding in her chest, her breath picking up speed into broken, panicked huffing. 

The world around her seemed like too much. Suddenly her body had heated up, palms clammy and knuckles white around her gun as she backed away and propped her weapon up on the side of the tower.

As soon as Ellie had come down from her adrenaline high, she made her way down the ladder and strided up to the group that had returned. Their horses had already been taken to the stables, leaving Dina and one of their new recruits explaining everything to Tommy.  _ When had he gotten there? _

Regardless of Tommy’s spontaneous visit to the wall, Ellie walked up and looked Dina over. She didn’t seem to be hurt, not significantly at least, but she was beyond filthy with grime and blood and everything in between. As was the other recruit, some guy that she didn’t quite recognize.

“What the hell happened out there?” Ellie asked, eyes wide as she fought to catch her breath. Perhaps her stress was a bit too obvious. 

“We found the swarm in town, they‘d been grouping up in an old building and we scared them when we were checking for supplies,” Dina explained, seeming all too calm for the matter at hand. 

Ellie nodded slowly, trying to act like she wasn’t shaken by the situation as soon as she noticed how nonchalant Dina was. “Are you two hurt?” 

They were quite obviously wounded, but most of the blood on them didn’t seem to be their own.

“Not badly, just a bit scratched up,” Dina said as she examined her wounds, trying to assure herself that she was right in saying that. “It’s nothing that we can’t handle.”

“Let’s get the both of you to the clinic,” Ellie mumbled, letting out another stressed sigh as she led the two away from the front gate.

The three clambered down the street with minimal grace, Ellie holding the door for them at the clinic before following them inside. Luckily Dina had no issue with visiting the medical bay, which was rare for her, forever the type to turn down help from their medics. 

Upon Dina being sat down, the team handed Ellie a bucket of water and a rag and put her to work, to which she did with no complaints. It wasn’t exactly her job, but she cared, and had no problem helping them out while they handled the more severe case that was Dina’s patrol partner. 

“God, how did you even get roughed up like this?” Ellie asked, gently washing the grime off of one of the bigger wounds to Dina’s shoulder.

“You’re one to talk, you know that right?” Dina replied, nearly laughing. Instead, she held still and winced softly when Ellie went over any particularly sensitive places, earning herself occasional apologies from the taller girl. 

“You’re lucky you made it out, haven’t seen a horde that big in forever around here,” she remarked, furrowing her brow. 

Dina nodded in agreement, shifting her arm so Ellie could get to the bigger gash with less effort.“It explains where they’ve been for the last month, I mean, come to think of it they haven’t exactly been hard to manage as of late.”

“Yeah.” Ellie paused, looking up to meet Dina in the eyes. “I’m glad you’re alright,” she whispered, treating it like one of the most intimate things she could’ve said. At that moment, it felt like it was.

The raven-haired girl smiled, her gaze softening on Ellie as she spoke. “I’m glad you were on the gates to save my ass,” Dina retorted, keeping herself at a whisper as well. 

Ellie rolled her eyes and went back to tending to Dina’s wounds, still smiling as she did. “If you hadn’t come back from that one I don’t think I could forgive you.”

“I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. I mean, the look on your face was totally worth the near death experience.”

Dina looked far too smug.

“You’re such an ass,” Ellie mumbled, keeping her gaze averted from Dina’s. She didn’t need to look to know that the shorter girl was acting overly complacent. 

“If you say so.”

═══════════════

After dropping Dina and her patrol partner off at the medical center and killing an hour there, Ellie had returned to her home to get cleaned up. She still had the bonfire to worry about, and in an effort to keep her mind off of the excitement she had been through earlier she had tossed herself into the hottest shower she could run. 

Once she’d cleaned herself off, Ellie walked over to her dresser and rummaged through until she’d found a suitable outfit. Opting to go for a more simple look, she settled on a pair of blue jeans and a white t-shirt, along with a red flannel that was a bit big on her.

She got herself dressed hastily and tugged on her sneakers, giving herself a look over in the mirror and nodding as if to affirm herself. 

Glancing over at her alarm and seeing that the time read  _ 5:38 PM _ , she slung her guitar case over her shoulder and set course for Jesse’s house. 

The streets were fairly empty for a Friday evening, but she blamed that on the assembly of teenagers that happened to be in one specific corner of the fort. She appreciated the lack of crowding in the streets, seeing as it was a rare occurrence. 

Ellie managed to make it to her friend’s house with no interruption, although the walk wasn’t quite a short one. The back gate had been propped open, so she invited herself in, only to be met by a very excited Dina. 

“Holy shit! Jesse said you wanted to come over but I didn’t think you’d actually do it,” Dina marveled, grabbing Ellie by the arm and leading her inside.

“You healed up well,” she muttered, eyes widened at Dina’s grip on her forearm. After a moment of tensing up at Dina’s rather unwarranted but certainly not unappreciated physical contact, Ellie found her words. “And, to be fair, I’m only here ‘cause he said you wanted me to come,” she said, following along dejectedly. 

Dina smiled and shook her head as she pulled the taller girl over to the cooler. “You’re still here.” 

“Whatever,” Ellie quipped, letting Dina lead her around. Upon reaching the cooler and being released from Dina’s surprisingly strong grasp, she leaned down and grabbed a beer, using the bottle opener on the table and turning back to face Dina. The shorter of the two just watched her with a faint smile. “Why’re you staring at me like that?”

“Oh, no reason. You just look really good tonight,” Dina said, a hint of mischief behind her tone.

Ellie blinked a few times, trying to make sure that she had heard her correctly. Once she’d confirmed that her ears hadn’t deceived her, she shot Dina a perplexed glance.

“I know it’s past five but really, how much have you had to drink?” Ellie asked, one brow raised with concern. She went to take a sip of her drink, still looking rather puzzled by Dina’s advance.

“You’re so fucking dense, you know that, right?” Dina responded, smiling adoringly as she did. “Come sit down with me.” 

Ellie followed her over to the firepit, which had already been lit. The flames flickered in the still air, smoke billowing up toward the sky.

═══════════════

A few hours later and Ellie was sensibly drunk. Not too drunk, just drunk enough that she could let herself sit back and enjoy the festivities. She had played a few songs for the people who stuck around past dinner, and had found her place sitting on her own across from Dina and Jesse. 

Jesse was huddled around Dina, one arm over her shoulder passively as he chattered amongst his friends. Dina would occasionally spare glances to Ellie, yet they never lasted long.

It didn’t feel right to watch them together.

_ It didn’t feel right to wish she was in Jesse’s place. _

Ellie felt as if she had miscalculated the situation to a degree that was unfathomable to even herself. Maybe Dina and Jesse really were just on a break, no matter how short it was. On one hand, she hoped that Dina was just being touchy feely with Jesse because they were both hammered, but on the other hand, it felt forced. Perhaps they’d gotten back together in the end.

Her eyes focused in on the flames that licked at what remained of the fire, a few charred logs that were slowly turning into coals. No matter how hard she tried to block out the thought of being over on the other side of the fire, where Jesse was, holding Dina the way he did, she couldn’t stop. She just wanted to be hers. 

She hoped that Dina felt that way about her. It was a selfish thought, but she couldn’t stop herself. Whatever was going on between her and Dina made her feel bitter -- not necessarily towards Dina herself -- but bitter nonetheless. It was all new, and yet, she’d been waiting for it for years.  _ Even she hadn’t known that she wanted it. _

Maybe Dina had known. If she did, why had she been huddled up with Jesse? Ellie didn’t want to know.

The group of people had narrowed down since her arrival, but she didn’t necessarily appreciate that fact. Her attention had been heavily drawn to Jesse and Dina, more specifically how touchy and grabby Jesse got when he was drunk. That was possibly the one thing she wanted to see least. 

Before much more time could pass, Ellie bid the group farewell and slung her guitar case over her shoulder. She couldn’t take it; couldn’t watch them any longer. No time was wasted in giving the group an anxious wave and striding her way through the gate. 

Ellie didn’t stop on her way out, keeping her pace up as she headed for her home. 

“Ellie, wait.”

Just behind her, a recognizable and familiar voice sounded behind her, to which she froze in place. She waited for the footsteps behind her to catch up, before she felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around. 

“Dina?” Ellie said, her words a faint whisper, brows furrowed. “Why’re you here?”

“Did you even see yourself? You literally ran away, and you’ve been quiet almost all night.” Dina rested her hands at Ellie’s hips, the smell of alcohol heavy in the air between them. “You don’t need to be there, just tell me what’s wrong.”

Ellie swallowed hard, blinking a few times before looking up to meet Dina in the eye. 

“I’m just tired. Nothing some rest won’t fix,” she defended, diverting her eyes for a moment to try and hide the guilt behind them. 

Dina sighed, still holding her close. “I know you better than that. You don’t have to tell me, but I’d appreciate it if you did.” 

Ellie stared at the ground in silence.  _ How was she supposed to explain herself?  _

“You wouldn’t get it,” Ellie stammered, tensing up as Dina’s hands moved up to cup her face. 

Fern green eyes met deep brown in the deepest stare that Ellie had ever experienced, widening slightly as she settled her hands on Dina’s sides. The shorter girl leaned up and pressed her face close to Ellie’s ear, a faint smile on her face.

“We both know that’s not true,” she whispered under her breath, just loud enough for Ellie to hear. When she backed away, Ellie’s face was lit up red, though it was barely visible in the streetlight. 

Dina knew that Ellie was the prettiest thing she’d ever seen with her own two eyes.

Without hesitation, Dina pulled the taller girl into a kiss. Lips locked and the rest of the world melted away, Ellie’s hands gripping harder at Dina’s sides as her eyes slammed shut. There was no effort to speed up, no attempts to push the other person further. 

Once the two had run out of air, they pulled apart, immediately wishing that they could be together again. Warmth ran through Ellie’s body, burning up under the pressure placed on her shoulders amidst the situation. 

Despite their mutual want - no, mutual  _ need, _ \- they didn’t come back together.

After a few moments of breathlessness, Dina broke the silence. 

“If only I knew what was going on in that beautiful mind of yours,” she whispered, tucking a loose strand of brown hair behind Ellie’s ear. 

The pair looked each other in the eye for what seemed like centuries, Ellie’s eyes wandering to Dina’s lips, before back up to her eyes.

“I don’t think you want to know.”


	4. Chapter 4

Sleep had refused to come easy to Ellie the night prior.

When she arrived home she was tipsy, both with alcohol and nerves, but that didn’t numb her to her thoughts. The night was spent half-awake in disbelief, too speechless to even journal the gymnastics her mind was going through. Most of what she’d done and thought about the night before would be taken to the grave if she had anything to say about it.

Ellie was glad to have the day off. There was still a chance that she could be sent out on a patrol, but she knew that Tommy and Maria would attempt to keep her at the fort. It was only noon, which left the chance of being assigned to a route looming over her. 

In her mess of stress-induced intrusive thoughts, she concluded that last night had been a drunken mistake on Dina’s part.

When it happened, she felt sober. The excitement alone was enough to bring her to her senses, but she was unsure if the same went for Dina. Internally, she wished that it wasn’t an accident, wished that every single word had nothing to do with the alcohol clouding her mind.

Ellie knew that she wouldn’t have the courage to ask about it.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to get out of the fort for the day. Theoretically, if she were to leave, she’d be able to get her mind off of Dina and focus on anything other than her social shortcomings. 

The last few hours had been spent sitting alone on her porch, strumming and plucking at the strings of her guitar. Joel had tried to teach her a few more songs that he’d learned when he was her age, but most of them hadn’t stuck with her. She preferred writing her own music rather than learning the work of others, although some of her lyrical decisions were rather telling about her life.

Just as the song Ellie had been playing came to a close, she felt a rapid shove against her deck, opening her eyes and looking up to see Tommy, out of breath, leaning against the rail on the stairs.

“Tommy? You look like hell, what’s going on?” Ellie questioned, putting her guitar back in its case and getting to her feet with a start.

Tommy took a few deep breaths, shaking his head as he pulled himself together. “I hate to do this,” he stumbled over his words, letting out a harsh exhale. “We got a scout team heading out in ten. I’m gonna need you to lead ‘em.”

Ellie’s eyes widened slightly, letting out a prompt sigh and biting down on her lip. “Alright. I can, uh… I can try to make that happen.” She paused for a moment, running her hand through her hair. “What do you need us to do?”

“One of the patrols this morning saw smoke, they think it’s a campfire. Heard a few voices and found tracks, too. They think that they’re hurt,” he concluded, shoving his hands in his pockets. “If you go, we’re sending you out with Dina, Jesse, and some of the newbies. All you need to do is check on these guys and ask ‘em if they need anything.” 

The two held an uncomfortably cold stare, Ellie growing visibly tense. Eventually, she shied away from the eye contact, looking down to the floor beneath her. Tommy’s gaze was still firm on her, not relenting in the slightest.

The realization hit Ellie like a tidal wave. He was sending Dina out of the walls to track down a group of strangers that may or may not be dangerous.

If she didn’t go, she couldn’t assure herself that Dina would be safe. She couldn’t trust anyone else with her life. Dina’s patrol yesterday was enough to make her aware of that.

“Tommy, this doesn’t sound so great,” she mumbled, chewing on the inside of her cheek in nervous habit. “They could be baiting us in. These guys could be raiders for all we know.” 

“Fuck, Ellie,” Tommy muttered, staring at the wood of the deck for a moment, before glancing back up to Ellie. “Do I need to remind you that they’re livin’ off our land?” he nagged, voice raised. “Just, please, do this for me and I’ll promise you the next three days off.”

She took a moment to think. 

Ellie had to do this. Had to make sure Dina got home safe.

“I’ll go with them.”

Ellie nodded to herself, assuring her statement, and gave a hearty sigh, tugging her backpack over her shoulder and jogging down the steps of her porch.

“Hey, Ellie,” Tommy called, still leaning on the banister.

“Yeah?” she replied, shooting him a glance over her shoulder.

“Thank you.”

═══════════════

When Ellie arrived, there was an abnormally large crowd of citizens at the wall. She recognized a few of them, such as Aren’s father and one of the recruits -- Rowan’s -- mother. She wasn’t too fussed with her team, though she hadn’t been given much of a chance to work with a few of them, such as Jackson’s favorite pair of siblings, Rowan and Livia.

_ Maybe it’d be for the best to get warmed up to them,  _ she told herself.

Livia was rather well known around Jackson, slightly older than Ellie, though she was infinitely more energetic and open. A lot of the men around the fort knew her, which Ellie did not envy her for in the slightest, but she had never seemed like the type to flirt around. She saw the appeal, sure, she was easy to find attractive -- short with wavy brown hair and deep brown eyes, dainty features and all -- but Ellie had already fallen for someone else. 

In the back of the group stood the faint twig of a boy named Rowan, another one of the newest members of their community. If Ellie recalled correctly, he arrived with Livia and his mother, only a few months back.

He was most likely a bit younger than most of Jackson’s teens, but he knew how to carry himself and fight if he needed to. Ellie would be lying if she said that she knew him well. His messy brown hair and piercing grey eyes made him look rather distinct, yet he seemed to blend in wherever he went. 

Rowan’s mother gave him a final hug goodbye before he was handed his reins, which reminded Ellie that she still had a job to do. Shimmer’s ropes were handed to her soon after, along with her rifle, which she hoisted over her shoulder before nearing the group and pulling herself onto her saddle.

The group was a bit large, but Ellie was thankful for it. Supposedly Livia was there to direct them, yet it seemed like Ellie would still be in control of their actions. 

She took pride in knowing that. 

Just as Ellie settled into her seat, she felt a gentle squeeze on the side of her leg. She recognized his hand immediately.

Joel, upon walking up to her, had a faint smile painted on his face, his eyes sincere and warm as he spoke. 

“Hey, I, ah, I just wanted to make sure you were alright before you head out. Heard y’all kids had a long night.” Joel shifted around next to her, waiting for a response, even if it was just acknowledgment. 

Ellie faltered and glanced away for a quick second, before looking back to the man next to her. She still felt wrong calling him her father, but she wished that she could do so comfortably. “I’m good, Joel,” she assured, letting Shimmer find her balance.

“I’m sorry Tommy came bargin’ in, tried to convince him to send someone else. Said he won’t budge,” Joel sighed, staring at the ground. After a moment of silence, he nodded, patting the horse on the side of the neck and shooting her a glance as if to ask her to take care of Ellie. 

“Be safe out there, kiddo. For all of us.”

The tension between them was almost too much for her to handle. She hated every single thought that barged into her mind, every single worry that he still didn’t accept her as a daughter.  _ Maybe he never would. _

Ellie bit back her insecurity and returned the smile, giving him a small forced yet understanding nod before her attention was pulled back up to the gate. 

Joel had always made a tradition out of wishing her well before she left the walls, more so when she was just starting to do partnered patrols. 

He was always there to make sure she knew her route and check in with her when she looked nervous, and for that she was thankful. Even if she knew what she needed to do, his reassurance was enough to make her pull through and return home. 

Ellie wondered if he saw her the way he saw him. She wanted him to say that she was his daughter, wanted to know what their time spent together meant. Whether she could forgive him for what he’d done to save her or not, she didn’t know. All she knew for sure was that she wanted to make things right between them, and wished that she had never needed to doubt their status. 

She wanted him to see her the way he’d see his own daughter. It felt selfish, but it was too true to deny.

Before she could get too lost in her thoughts, the gate had opened, and her group had begun to make their way out of the walls. She followed, soon trading places with Jesse and putting herself at the front of the group. None of her accomplices protested at first, and so she assumed that they were aware of her stance in the mission.

All but one of her group members was content.

“Can’t believe they put you in charge, hell, you weren’t even on the patrol,” Rowan called from the back of the group, a grin plastered on his face. “You must be some tough shit if they think that highly of ya’.” 

“This coming from the gangly little skater kid,” Livia retorted in Ellie’s defense, giving her horse a little tap on the side and moving forward so she and the leader were side by side. “He’s full of shit.” 

Ellie shook her head and smiled, glancing over to the girl next to her. “He’s your brother. I’ve never had a brother, but I think it’s part of the deal.” 

Livia let out a small laugh, rolling her eyes. “I can’t believe he hasn’t been eaten by  _ something  _ yet. Damn kid runs his mouth as far as it’ll carry him,” she remarked, looking up to the path ahead of them. 

“To his credit, he’s been fairly useful back home, as Tommy tells it.” Ellie shrugged, giving her an unapologetic smirk.

“Tommy’s on some hard shit if he believes that.”

Rowan perked up from his discussion behind them, putting his hands up in a defensive manner. “You know I can fucking hear ya’ up there, right?”

“I’m well aware!” Livia scolded, before turning back to the auburn-haired girl that rode aside her. She mocked an exasperated sigh, chuckling under her breath.

Ellie just scoffed and continued forward, letting the group chat amongst themselves as she and Livia went over their plans.

The trails were clear of any obstructions, which made the trip much easier. Having Livia with them sped up the process exponentially, but Ellie could stand to lose the gossip that radiated off of the four behind them. Occasionally she’d join in on the conversations, mostly just to tell them off for their rumors. The drama was practically the only thing stringing their faulty excuse for a teenage community together anymore, but Ellie still detested it.

After an hour of walking far too leisurely down the trails, Ellie brought everyone to a halt.

“Alright, there’s a little neighborhood up ahead. I think they’re camped out in there, if Livia’s right,” Ellie signaled, dismounting her horse and walking over to a nearby tree to fasten the reins. She let the others follow suit. 

As the others got to work fastening their horses to the trees, Ellie saw it; a faint cloud of smoke billowing up from somewhere beyond the first row of houses.

Eventually, everyone had tied up their steeds, and Ellie grouped them all up to go over their plans a final time. 

Once the group was together, she shot everyone a stern glance, crossing her arms. “Alright. You four are going to stand back and make sure nothing goes south. If it does go wrong, it’s your job to get everyone out of there.” Ellie paused, turning to face Dina and Rowan. “Stay sharp, and let me and Livia do the talking,” she warned, turning to face the opening in the trees.

“Let’s go.”

═══════════════ 

The group approached the clearing tentatively, Ellie being the first to look around for any signs of life. Once a campfire, a few coals burned out on the ground nearby, provoking a surge of adrenaline that ran through the girl.

“Is anyone here?” she asked, knuckles white around her knife. Everything was silent save for the shifting of gear behind her, and for the most part, it seemed too quiet. Ellie looked around, trying to find anyone, anything. 

Something was wrong.

Nearby, Ellie heard the faint sound of rustling, followed by footsteps on wood, and a door creaking open. She held her free hand at her side, ready to grab her handgun if need be.

After a few moments of suspense, the group revealed themselves. Ellie didn’t like the looks of it.

Five men, looking all too smug as they filed out of the empty house. 

“Well well well,” the man in front of the group mused, hands balled into fists at his sides. “Who might you be?” 

Ellie, still tense, gave the man a look over and furrowed her brow out of nervousness. She opted to ignore his question, for the most part. “One of our patrol teams spotted your camp yesterday, we wanted to make sure you had everything that you needed.”

The man raised a brow, a faint smirk on his face. It was evident that he’d spotted the four behind her, all of which just as on edge as herself. “Depends. What do you have, and for what price?”

Livia stepped forward, taking her turn to speak. “We have medicine, food, water if you need it. We’ve even got some housing if you need a place to stay for the time being,” she offered, eyes hopeful as she spoke. “Usually our leader handles the trades, but we like to help out.”

Ellie scolded her internally, forcing herself not to speak up. Livia seemed far too open to the concept of them joining the group back in Jackson, almost as if she couldn’t sense the tension in the air.

One of the men behind the presumed leader stepped forward just like Livia had, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. “How do we know we can trust you?” he asked, eyes stern. 

“We haven’t shot you, have we?” the shorter girl asked, her hands at her hips. “If you’re just passing through, that’s fine. Just wanted to make sure your travels are safe-- safe as it gets, I ‘spose.” Livia shifted around, trying to hide her discomfort. 

Ellie butted back in, scarred brow furrowed. “You’ve been hunting on our grounds. We can’t have loose ends hanging around on our land,” she reiterated, standing stock still. “This land has been ours for years.”

The man at the front of the crowd spoke up again. 

“You folks got a settlement ‘round here?” he asked, amusement heavy in his tone. “Impressive.”

Ellie didn’t relax in the slightest, eyes narrowed at the man in front of her. 

This felt wrong.  _ He  _ felt wrong.

“Matter of fact we do. It’s small, but we’re doing good for ourselves.” Livia bit the inside of her lip, and Ellie could feel the apprehension even from the ten feet between them.

It seemed like the other group was nearing their own, even if it was subtle. Ellie blamed it on her imagination, but it seemed far too shifty to be fine. 

“I’d love to see this compound of yours, is it far?” the second man questioned, a wide grin on his face. “Especially if all the ladies are as lovely as yourself,” he added as he gestured toward Livia and Ellie, rather unnecessarily. 

Livia scowled, though she hid her disdain as he walked closer to her. Ellie’s hand got even tighter around her blade, her finger already settled on the assist. She felt revolted enough already, and the last thing she needed was another horndog rolling up to her home, even worse yet an entire group of them.

Ellie felt something shift between them. It most certainly wasn’t a good type of shift.

Silence fell over the group, eyes locked on Livia as the man grew closer to her. One wrong move and it’d all go south--

The man lunged forward, hands forming a steel-like grip on her neck as the rest of the group dispersed. Shouts emerged from each group, and Ellie, not knowing if the opposers were armed, commanded for her side to take cover.

Rowan was the first to retaliate, throwing himself forward at the man holding onto his sister.

His knife lodged into the bigger man’s neck, pulling him off of Livia with somewhat terrifying strength for a boy of his stature. His vigor was quickly drawn to an end as he was grabbed at the shoulders, writhing around and biting down on the man’s arm. 

As he was released, he hit the ground, already pushing himself off of the concrete to run at the man. Just as he got in range, a gunshot sounded, projectile lodged in his leg as he fell to the ground once more.

The shorter girl fell to the ground nearby, rebounding and running towards her brother, before Jesse threw his arms around her and ran for shelter. The shots had already picked up, there was no saving him.

Ellie leaped back and got to her knees behind a nearby wall, watching as the rest of her soldiers started shooting. She muttered a near-silent curse to herself, feeling her face begin to heat up with anger. 

Then her eyes landed on Rowan. 

He wasn’t moving. He was barely  _ recognizable. _

The auburn-haired girl’s eyes widened, pulling out her pistol. The worst had happened, and she hadn’t been able to stop it. 

As soon as her magazine was loaded, she shot. She barely aimed, and yet nearly every shot she made hit one of them. The cries of agony from the offending men came back in full volume, and Ellie was convinced that they had this under control. All but two of the men were down with haste.

That was when more emerged from the house.  _ Several more. _

Ellie kept shooting, as did the rest of her team, breath picking up as she did. They were overwhelmed. 

There was a backfire, but none of their shots were acute enough to fight back. Ellie had taken down upwards of ten before she knew it.

Just as she was about to take another shot, she was latched onto. She struggled and writhed around, but before she could get out of their grasp, she felt one of the worst pains she had in a long time. 

A knife, forcefully stabbed into her side.

She felt her body crying for help, but her eyes released no tears, and her brain could only think one thing.

_ Make them pay. _

She let out a yelp, followed by the beginning of a scream, only to have a hand clamp around her face. Instinctively, she bit down, earning a wince from her attacker.

When the man recoiled, she flicked her knife open and stabbed directly into his throat, pulling away when he fell to the ground. Her eyes widened as she saw the raiders advancing, shooting a glance back to her group. 

_ “Get the fuck out of here!” _

Ellie got to work fast. She grabbed her gun off of the ground nearby, crouching down as she looked over her shoulder to see Dina struggling in Aren’s arms as they ran away. 

Her breathing picked up, heavy sobs caught in her throat as she snuck behind one of the houses nearby. The grass had grown out enough that she could stay hidden amidst it, thankful for the distraction that her group had made when they left. She owed it to them to make sure they got back to the fort safe.  _ She owed it to their families to bring these men to justice. _

Once Ellie had gotten to a vantage point, she pulled out her rifle. It’d make her shots much more effective, and hopefully, give her a better range.

The group had long dispersed, peeking around corners and searching houses for her. She took aim and shot, making her movements quick. The last thing she wanted was for one of them to get to her before she had thinned out their numbers.

One by one, she took down the men, all of which running at her from every direction. She lost count of her kills, tears finally rolling down her face as she continued to fight. It was too much for her.

She wanted nothing more than to go home.

As time passed, Ellie had removed more of the group, but she couldn’t find any of the men that she had been looking for. A part of her was impressed at how they’d managed to travel with so many people, let alone go undetected for however long they’d been camped out, but Ellie certainly didn’t have the time to be amused. 

One of the opposing group finally made themselves known, peeking up from a broken-down wall. Ellie aimed, and just as she fired--

A pair of hands clutched her neck once again. 

She heard the congested choking from her last efforts, proof that she had hit her target. In a an attempt to break herself free, she writhed against the arms around her neck, gasping for air. She jabbed her elbow backward, knocking the air out of the man behind her and knocking him off of her momentarily. 

Just as she ran at him again, he grabbed onto her, shoving her back.

The last thing she felt was the collision of her head and the concrete of the sidewalk.

═══════════════ 

As the group tried their best to fight back, it became increasingly clear that they couldn’t linger around. Dina had tried to take off in Ellie’s direction, only for Aren to grab her and hold her back. She didn’t understand.

Ellie’s cry for them to leave cleared things up enough, but she couldn’t walk away. She couldn’t let Ellie fight alone.

Aren didn’t give her a choice in the matter.

Tears had started to stream down Dina’s face, her breathing ragged as she ran towards their horses. She wasted no time in her actions, getting Japan and Shimmer untied before mounting her horse. Shimmer’s reins were placed at the horn of her saddle, and the rest of the group wasn’t far behind her as she took off in a canter in the direction of the fort. 

She was thankful for how well Ellie had trained her horse, but she didn’t have time to think about the horses. If she didn’t get back to Jackson quickly enough, she didn’t know what would happen to Ellie. She needed a search party. 

As the remaining members of the group followed quickly behind her, there was a new sense of urgency in the air. Ellie had sacrificed herself, and Dina couldn’t be there to stop her. The girl she cared for most, Ellie, needed help, but they couldn’t provide that. There were too many of them.

Without a second thought, Dina kicked Japan into a gallop. Rarely did she push him so hard, but he cooperated, kicking up dirt as he did. Shimmer, clearly more experienced in having her limits pushed, was quick to follow suit.

_ She had to get home. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings for:  
> \- Graphic violence  
> \- Non-NSFW dubious consent  
> Also, creepy dude being creepy, but I don't really have a tag for that

_ “Open up the gates! They’re hurt!”  _

The four remaining of the group stood at the gates, two of the six horses without riders. Not a single one of them was clean, covered in grime and blood from their endeavor. Dina was no less hurt than the rest of them, her body aching from being thrown around. 

The only thing that hurt worse than the bruises and the cuts was the thought of Ellie out there somewhere, fighting her fight alone. Dina didn’t even know if she’d made it or not; she could’ve been shot down by one of them, maybe strangled or stabbed again. There was so much that could have gone wrong, and every single one of the possibilities made Dina’s stomach lurch with nerves. 

Forcing herself to numb her mind and push forward, Dina led Japan and Shimmer into the walls of the fort. She slipped out of her saddle and took the two horses into the stable, freezing in place as the stablehands took the reins. Every part of her wanted to object, wanted to untack Shimmer herself, if only to make sure she was cared for perfectly for Ellie’s return, but she didn’t have it in her. 

She had to trust them. 

Dina turned to face the rest of her group, nodding towards Aren. Her voice came out colder than anticipated, far more rigid than usual. “Get Jesse to the clinic. I need to see Maria.” 

As Dina turned to walk through the stables, she felt a presence next to her. She glanced over, only to be met by Livia, who stared at the ground.

Her heart ached for the newer girl. She had lost a sibling in the past but she’d never witnessed it in person -- never had to see her family shot dead right in front of her. In all honesty, Dina didn’t know what to do to help her. 

She had her own things to worry about, but that didn’t cloud her empathy in the slightest. Tentatively at best, she put her hand on Livia’s shoulder, slowing them to a stop and looking the girl in the eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Dina whispered, her eyes welling up once again.

The second that they both stopped, Livia turned to face her, throwing her arms around her in a desperate attempt at a hug. Dina stood stock still for only a moment, before hugging back, closing her eyes, and staying in place for what felt like several minutes. 

The hug was cut short by a soft apology from Livia before she backed away, wiping her eyes from any tears. Dina let out a faint sigh, squeezing the girl’s shoulder in reassurance.

They  _ needed _ to get to Maria.

═══════════════

Barreling into the Tipsy Bison as if her life depended on it, Dina strode up to the bar, gripping the edge of the counter as she fought to catch her breath. The girl washing glasses behind the counter froze, raising a brow at Dina’s rush, setting her glass down. 

“May I help you?” she asked, her tone painfully sweet.

Dina recognized the voice to be Cat.  _ Of course it had to be Cat. _

“Where’s Maria?” Dina all but snapped, backing away from the counter when she realized how out of place she seemed. 

Cat raised a brow and leaned on her edge of the counter, trying to read Dina’s expression. “Why? What happened?” she puzzled, suddenly concerned. Dina never got worked up, she barely batted an eye at some of the world’s greatest dangers.

The shorter girl shook her head and balled up one fist, trying to keep composed. “It’s about Ellie. I’ll tell you later I just-- I really need to see her.”

Cat sighed and gestured for her to follow along, leading her to the back room of the tavern and stepping outside when Dina nodded a silent ‘thank you.’ Livia had followed along, but Cat paid no mind. It was far from the strangest thing she’d experienced in working at the bar.

When Dina and Livia entered the room, Maria turned to face them, brows creased in worry. 

“What on god’s green earth did you two get into?” she asked, standing up and pacing over to Dina. “I take it the trade didn’t work out.”

Silence fell over the group, a silent argument arising between Dina and Livia as to who would explain. 

Eventually, Dina gave in.

“We told them that they could come back and restock, asked if they had any trades they wanted to make while they were passing through. Then they started shooting, and--” Dina cut off, biting down on her lip. “Rowan’s dead and we don’t fucking know what they did with Ellie.”

The room went still for a moment, Maria’s expression falling as she backed away, crossing her arms over her chest and blinking. It took a moment for the reality to set in, but when it did, she forced herself to keep herself together.

“ Fuck.  _ Fuck.  _ How did they manage to take Ellie down? She wouldn’t give in that easy,” Maria rambled, pursing her lips as she glanced at a composition book on a table in the corner. “There were six of you out there, how did that happen?”

“They were coming at us and… She stopped them. Took down half their men before one of them jumped her. Aren grabbed me and ran before I could go for her- and-- Fuck…” Dina stammered out the rest of her statement, tears building up in her eyes as she tried to explain. 

Maria nodded in understanding, reading over her sheets and crossing a few things out in ink. “We’ll send out a search party. Two days time.” 

Dina went tense, heat rising in her face. She felt Livia’s hand on her arm in an attempt to calm her down, but she pulled away. Her fists tightened at her sides, breath picking up slightly.

It couldn’t wait.

“Two days? Two fucking days?” Dina felt her voice raising, pulling back to try and cool herself off. “Maria, we--  _ she _ doesn’t  _ have  _ two days, we need to get the fuck off our asses, and we need to find her.”

“Dina. We don’t have the men to go today. We don’t have the resources, and everyone’s bound to be flipping their shit. The best thing we can do is wait until everyone’s patched up.” Maria stared Dina down in a somewhat intimidating hawk-like way, eyes narrowed. 

The older woman took in a deep breath, closing her eyes and leaning back on the table. “They won’t kill her. I know how men like them work.”

“Joel isn’t gonna sit still for two goddamn days, we both know that.” Dina paused, staring at the ground. “I won’t, either.”

“Joel is gonna have to get used to it. Even he knows better than to run out blind like that,” Maria quipped, refusing to back down. 

“Have you even fucking met Joel?” Dina retorted, shaking her head. “He’ll be in the stables soon as the word gets to him.”

The three went quiet again, until Maria finally spoke up.

“Alright.” She turned to face the two, giving an exhausted huff. “I’ll let you and Joel out tomorrow and you can go look for her. One night is all I ask.” 

Dina hadn’t expected her to budge, but she felt relieved, to say the least. She nodded, backing away slightly, lacking whatever it took to form words. 

“Go get yourself cleaned up.”

═══════════════

When Ellie roused, the first thing she saw was the floor in front of her. Cement. She wasn’t home. A faint haze clouded her vision, making it hard to decipher what exactly was in front of her.

The room was cold and arid, chilling her to the bone. She tried to move, only to find herself restricted, and far too constricted to fight against whatever it was that bound her hands. 

“Dina?” she all but whimpered, eyes widening. “ _ Fuck _ . Dina!” Urgency filled her tone, eyes darting around as she contested the ropes binding her in place.

She scanned the rest of the room, freezing up when she met the gaze of a particularly smug-looking man. 

She knew who he was.

“You’re up,” he mused, leaning back in his seat. “Thought you’d be out far longer, what a shame. You certainly are a fighter.” He watched as the girl tried to escape, knowing all too well that it wouldn’t pay off.

Ellie grit her jaw and wriggled around, pushing her knees together in an attempt to gain leverage. Her wrists felt like they’d been rubbed raw underneath the cord that held them in place, a clear indicator of the struggle that she’d been putting up.

“ You and your little group seem to be getting pretty comfortable out here, huh?” The man chuckled, pushing himself out of his chair and strutting past her. “Such a shame that you forgot what it takes to make it out here,” he uttered with a sigh, feigning a look of disappointment. 

Ellie felt sick, her breaths coming out short and labored. All she wanted was the assurance that everyone else had made it back to Jackson. 

She knew that she wouldn’t get that.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you,” Ellie growled, giving up in her pursuit of freedom, watching the older man’s every move. She had to bite down on the inside of her lip to hold back her anger, brows furrowed.

“Such big talk for a little girl who’s chained up in a bunker,” he taunted, raising a brow with amusement. 

To his very limited credit, he wasn’t wrong.

Ellie scoffed, gritting her jaw hard. “Big talk for a guy who lost his crew to that little girl,” she jested, failing to hold back her words. 

They were words that could get her hurt if she wasn’t careful with them, but she took that risk willingly.

The man tilted his head, sauntering in Ellie’s direction before kneeling in front of her. 

His smirk didn’t falter for even a moment.

“You and your men are pathetic. So many do-gooders sitting pretty, acting like you run the world,” he pondered, letting Ellie think on his words. “You should know better. This world is lawless, we don’t have a right or wrong.”

Ellie scowled at him, ready to argue, but bit her tongue, biding her time. 

_ She could get out of this. She could walk out alive if she just played her cards right. _

Her captor broke the silence, sitting down and crossing his legs. “You know, I really thought that at least one of them would’ve come after you by now.” He looked like he was in deep thought, but Ellie couldn’t picture it, not with the way he was talking. “It’s really such a shame that no one cared enough to try for you. You’re just a lost cause to them, aren’t you?” 

Ellie looked the man in the eye, a faint smile forming on her face. 

“And even after you so willingly sacrificed yourself for them, hmm?” He grinned, but something about it didn’t sit right with Ellie. “You try to be all  _ noble,  _ try to be the bigger person… Look where that got you. They don’t give a  _ fuck  _ what happens to you.”

He was so incredibly wrong. So much so that she couldn’t hold back a faint chuckle.

“You’ll fucking see.” Ellie let out another weak yet grim laugh, shaking her head. “You’ll fucking see how much they care when you’re  _ dead.  _ When there isn’t a single one of you bastards left, you’re not gonna be the ones laughing.”

Although he looked taken aback, the auburn-haired girl deemed it an act, waiting for him to interlude again. 

“You kids are such a waste of space. You’re not worth my time.” He looked her in the eye, feigning something akin to adoration. Ellie hated it with every fiber of her being.

He frowned slightly, placing his hand on the side of Ellie’s face, running his hand along her cheek. Ellie cringed at the contact, but held still, waiting for it to be over. She wanted him off of her, but she couldn’t go against it -- not if she wanted to leave alive.

“You know what, kid? I have half the mind to kill you here and now, but-”

He was cut off.

“Well then? Get it over with.” Ellie grimaced, gaze set on him like stone.

The man trailed his hand down Ellie’s neck, placing it on her shoulder and clearing his throat to finish his statement. “ _ But _ . There’s so much you can do for me while you’re alive.” 

Ellie narrowed her eyes, trying to read his expression. “I’m not going to talk for you.”

“You don’t need to,” he assures, deadpanning her as he trailed his hand up the side of her throat. Desperately so, Ellie searched his eyes, looking for any sign of reasoning. She found nothing.

Ellie tried to pull away, in turn only giving him better access to her neck. “Fuck, has anyone ever told you that you’re better company when you’re out cold?” he mumbles, giving her one last smile -- one that looked almost too genuine -- before securing his hand around her neck. 

He didn’t pull away, watching as Ellie struggled against him. No effort that she could make would be enough to get him off of her, not with her hands tied. 

Ellie didn’t cease her attempts to fight back, trying to get away, to no avail. Slowly, her efforts came to an end, the world darkening around her. 

═══════════════

Dina didn’t have it in her to eat anything. 

She couldn’t even imagine keeping down food, not with the situation she was in. Not without the assurance that Ellie was safe. 

A group of five had been sent out to retrieve Rowan’s body, but no one seemed to speak of Ellie. Dina hated the fact that her own best friend had become a taboo conversation topic in less than a day, but she didn’t have time to rouse discussion. 

It was probably for the best that no one spoke of her, not if they didn’t want Joel at their throats.

Tommy had tried talking to her. He failed in that pursuit. It was impossible to  _ not _ blame him for what happened to Ellie, if only a bit. Jesse had attempted to make her come around, but she had blocked him out too. 

She wanted nothing more than to run to the stables and take Japan back to the spot where it had happened, to search until she found wherever they were keeping her. Until she found some sign of  _ her. _

The reality of the situation was that she couldn’t. 

She only had to make it until dawn.

When she arrived home, she broke down. She had only taken enough time to take off her boots and her coat before rushing to her room, collapsing in bed, and curling up around her pillow.  _ If only,  _ she thought.  _ If only it were Ellie with her, secure in her arms. _

Dina spent a long time there, latched onto her pillow for dear life. She hoped Joel hadn’t taken it too hard, but she knew for a fact that he would be seething come morning. Most of the town had tried to keep the news away from him as if he was a ticking time bomb. 

At this point, he might as well be one. Dina, too.

After what felt like hours, Dina sat up, dejectedly picking up Ellie’s hoodie off of her chair. She’d held onto it for days, but it still smelled like the girl she loved -- still felt like her. Although she’d never admit to it, Dina hoped that Ellie would never ask for her to return it. 

Having it there with her made her feel less alone, less distant from the one person she cared to be close to. 

When she returned to her bed and pulled her sheets over herself, she felt a few tears slip out of her eyes, trying to force back the others that tried to follow them. 

Although she didn’t care to rest, her exhaustion was far more powerful than her willpower, slowly pulling her towards a restless sleep.

═══════════════

_ Strife. That was the only word that could describe what Dina saw in front of her.  _

_ Ellie’s body, stock still on the floor. Blood pooling beneath her. The taste of Iron in her mouth. Tears rolling down her face. She couldn’t move, couldn’t fight back. Couldn’t help her. _

_ Ellie wasn’t with her anymore, only a shell of herself. Only the husk of what used to be her everything. The remnants of what she wished could’ve been. _

_ She was stuck in place, chained down. Whether she was held back by herself or another source, she didn’t know. _

_ Whoever it was that had overpowered Ellie didn’t stop, bringing the copper pipe down on her already bruised body time and time again as her pleading weakened. Broken words turned to soft whimpers, unable to form speech. _

_ Dina’s breathing picked up, her heart racing faster than it ever had, but nothing she did would make her move. She couldn’t even make a noise. Brown eyes widened as she fought against her bindings, helplessly begging for it all to stop. _

_ It had to stop. _

Dina woke with a start, nearly crying out for help, before realizing where she was.

Home. 

Her breath caught in her throat, doe-eyed as she looked out her open window. It was far from light out, but she knew that she’d been asleep for a good amount of time. 

The full moon outside lit up her room enough for her to see a damp spot on the back of Ellie’s hoodie where her face had once been, reminding her again of what she’d seen. 

Dina leaned back against her headboard, swallowing hard as she tried to collect her thoughts. She had been through nights like this before.

The nights were always the worst. Whenever Ellie was assigned to overnight patrols -- overnight patrols that they didn’t take on together, at least -- she couldn’t stop herself from panicking. 

Her nightmares never relented, and they were beginning to become a new normal.

There was no use in trying to sleep. Dina knew she wouldn’t until Ellie was with her again. 

She needed Ellie.


	6. Chapter 6

The sun had barely started to cross the horizon when Dina was at Joel’s door. 

To her surprise, he hadn’t run off in the middle of the night. If he had, she’d be the first one to join him. 

Maria was right, they needed to be smart, but that wouldn’t ease her mind in the slightest. 

Three firm knocks at the door and Joel was already rearing to leave. Neither of them spoke a word to each other on the walk to the stables, but they were both in the same mindset. That was obvious enough.

It was still early enough that the stables were left untouched, save for the Ferrier, who paid them no mind as he shoed one of the fort’s mares. Dina wasn’t sure if she’d ever tacked up a horse faster in her life.

Within seconds of the gate being opened, Dina and Joel were off, both galloping out of the walls with unmatched speed. Even Japan seemed to be in a rush, as if he knew Ellie would be back to spoiling him the second she was in Jackson again. 

Dina took the lead, kicking up foliage on the trails that lead to the neighborhood. Her focus was unbreakable, centered in on the path in front of her. 

If Ellie was still there -- she had to be -- Dina wouldn’t hold back. She’d kill every last person down there if she so much as presumed they’d laid a finger on her. Some of the town had been hopeful for Ellie’s return the night before, but it seemed like common knowledge that she wouldn’t be returning. 

Dina had to prove it to them that Ellie wasn’t one to give up - she had to prove it to herself, too. The only reason she was still alive was because of her best friend, and she wouldn’t live with herself until she brought her back.  _ Brought her home. _

When the gap in the trees showed itself again, Dina pulled Japan to a stop, slipping out of her saddle and giving him a gentle pat on the neck. She’d be sure to spoil him later for his efforts, but it wasn’t the time quite yet.

“This it?” Joel asked, his hand already tight around his revolver. Dina had to admit, when Joel was upset, he wasn’t far from terrifying. She made an internal note to stay off of his bad side, despite the fact that it was already common knowledge. Seeing it first hand made it far more intimidating.

Dina nodded, scanning the houses for any signs of life. In the center of the road, she saw the faint bloodstains from the day before, a chill running up her spine at the thought of Rowan. At least they’d returned his body safely yesterday. 

The windows of the homes were mostly shattered, bulletholes in nearly every surface. It had been a long time since she’d seen the neighborhood so roughed up. 

“Search all the houses.” Dina grasped her pistol from her thigh holster, turning towards one of the houses before shooting Joel another glance. “You find anything, you call for me.”

Joel didn’t give confirmation, already preoccupied running off toward a house on the opposite side of the street. Dina followed suit on her end of the road, striding up to one of the blue houses that she’d seen their men come from the day before. She needed to start somewhere.

Dina wondered if Ellie would even be alive. A lot could happen in a day’s time. She didn’t have it in her to entertain the thought of losing Ellie, but  _ fuck,  _ it tore her apart no less. As she approached the building, her nerves jumped, fearing for what she would see -- if anything.

In lieu of possibly alerting anyone with the door, she vaulted through the window, treading as lightly as she could through the house. It seemed eerily silent, but Dina pinned it on the sound of her own heartbeat clouding her hearing.

Slowly but surely, she moved through the rooms, still clutching her pistol in one hand.

The silence didn’t last long.

From the other end of the house, Dina made out the sound of a muffled wail.

She knew that sound. 

_ Ellie. _

Within seconds, Dina was at the basement door, heart pounding in her chest even harder than it had before. 

Seizing the doorknob and taking in a deep breath, Dina opened the door.

═══════════════

The world had been hazy for the last few minutes, but Ellie was coming to her senses. She was in the same dull grey room that she’d woken up to hours before. With the same man that had grabbed her.

Now there were two men, and neither of them looked happy. One of them was hunched over a map on a table, the other stood in the corner of the room with his hand on his beard, one brow furrowed in frustration. 

Their incoherent shouting slowly became clear as she came to, and Ellie listened in, considering her lack of other options.

“We pass that fort and they’ll have our heads, you know that right?” the taller of the two asked, leaning down to look over where his partner was pointing. “I’m not fuckin’ stupid, Clint. You lost all our men to that girl, imagine what the rest of ‘em are like?” 

An uncomfortable stare between the two lead to both of them diverting their eyes.

Backing away from the table and looking over at Ellie, the one supposedly named Clint let out a stern huff. “We can sneak by at night. There’s no other route that’ll get us to Oregon in time, if we get stuck on their trails they’ll have us dead even sooner.” 

Defensively crossing his arms over his chest, the taller man shook his head. “No way in hell they’d just leave their posts empty at night. We gotta turn back and head north.” 

Both of them shared a confused glance for a few seconds, until Clint spoke again. 

“That leads up through the mountains. We can’t go through, we don’t have horses. It’ll be too slow.” 

Rolling his eyes, the taller man flicked open his switchblade and stabbed it into the table, Clint retreating back in shock. 

“You think I don’t know that, sherlock?” He let out a soft laugh, though it seemed like more of a threat than a lighthearted chuckle. “We’re gonna pack up and fucking go. We’ll pass through the mountains and head due west, that’ll get us to Idaho. Smooth sailing from there.”

“What about the girl?” Clint asked, gesturing at Ellie with wide eyes. 

“I don’t give a fuck. Leave her to rot. Maybe finish her off now.” The taller of the two grabbed his knife from the table and walked over to Ellie, looking her over and placing the blade under her chin. He lifted her head, trying to judge if she was conscious or not. “I can do it for you, if you’re too chicken.”

“Hey, hey hey hey. We kill her and their entire gang won’t rest till they find us,” Clint ushered, rushing over to push his partner away from her. “I saw how they fought.”

“We’ll be gone by the time that matters. Finish it.” 

Ellie went limp as the man pulled his knife away, chuckling under her breath. 

“You’re a bunch of pussies.” She laughed again, tugging at the cord that clung to her wrists. 

Nothing sounded better than the thought of punching them until they couldn’t breathe, and she was met with disappointment when that wasn’t a possibility. 

Only one of them seemed to respond. Ellie didn’t fear him in the slightest.

“What did you say?”

Silence fell over the three for a moment, the third man taking a few tentative steps away from them.

“Gonna leave me tied up here, maybe beat me? I’d like to see you fucking try.” Ellie smiled and looked up at the two, green eyes gleaming in the faint lighting of the basement. “Afraid of what I can do to you when I’m not all chained up, that it?”

Ellie didn’t get a verbal response, but the taller man was moving again in seconds. Gripping onto an exposed pipe and ripping it out of the wall, he walked over to Clint, holding it out for him. 

“Martin, I told you. I’m not killing her. They’ll--” 

Clint was cut off, the cold metal of the blade previously at Ellie’s neck now at his, held in place by a strong hand.

It got the message across.

No one spoke another word, the shorter man taking the pipe and tentatively walking up to Ellie.

Too tired to protest, or plead, or even make a remark, Ellie sat stock still, body tensing up when she noticed her mistake.

After a moment of hesitation, he lifted the pipe, taking in a deep breath before bringing it down on her, cracking the cold metal against her side. 

Ellie yelped, pulling her knees close to her body and burying her face as well as she could. She had to bite down hard on the inside of her lip to force back any other noises, preparing herself for another source of impact.

There  _ wasn’t  _ another.

Upstairs, a few soft thuds sounded, though it wasn’t loud enough for Ellie to discern.

“Clint. Did you hear that?” 

“Hear what?” he asked, trying to hide the stammer in his tone. He tossed the pipe, searching his pockets for his handgun.

Just as he turned around, the basement door barged open so forcefully that it hit the wall behind it.

Dina took her shot immediately, turning quickly to the other man when the first one was down and firing before he could begin to process her actions. 

They hit the cement and Dina tossed her gun, bolting across the room to Ellie.

She got down to her knees, checking her for injuries. There were several. Too many to try to patch up where they were.

“ Ellie? Ellie, shit, stay with me, babe. You lost a lot of blood,” she stammered, expression softening as she went for Ellie’s wrists. “Fuck, okay, you’re gonna want to sleep, but I can’t let you do that right now.” Dina frantically attempted to untie her, wincing once she saw the reddened-raw skin on her wrists. “Stay with me now-- Ellie. Ellie, c’mon, hang on.” 

“D-Dina?” Ellie winced, clinging onto her, immediately recognizing the voice. She tried her best to get to her feet, but Dina had to help her quite a bit.

“Joel! She’s down here!” she called up the staircase. The taller girl barely registered what was happening, but she clung to Dina for dear life, tears beginning to fall from her eyes. Her legs were too numb to function as intended, stumbling over herself. “Stay with me, El, c’mon.”

Just as Joel arrived at the top of the stairwell in full sprint, Ellie went limp, barely caught in Dina’s arms.

“Fuck. Fuck, this isn’t good, she needs to see the medics.” Dina shot Joel a glance, looking back to the girl in her arms. “You’re gonna have to carry her.”

Joel didn’t question it in the slightest, running down the stairs and putting his arms around her and shifting until he was sure that he could hold onto her up the staircase.

As Dina was leaving, she grabbed Ellie’s switchblade off of the table, following Joel back to the horses.

═══════════════

When the three arrived at the gates, Dina took to helping Joel in the process of getting Ellie out of the saddle. She was out cold, and it wasn’t looking too good for her.

Through continuous effort and painfully awkward silence, she and Joel carried her to the medical bay, only to have her ushered into a bed to be looked over. Dina understood why they had to leave, but she’d give anything to be there with her every second of the process.

Joel was another story. Dina had to practically drag him out by the arm and sit him down in the waiting room, staying there with him until she was sure that he could wait.

It was a wonder that Ellie was even breathing. She’d sustained bullet wounds, been stabbed, thrown around, and deprived of food and water for the last day. Now she was facing a possible  _ coma,  _ and Dina wasn’t a fan of the odds.

Regardless, she forced herself to Maria’s house, with the intent of letting her know that they’d made it back safe.

Forcing herself out of her perpetual nervousness, Dina stepped up the porch, hands balled into fists in her pockets. Before she could even knock, Maria was there at the door, a look of apprehension on her face.

“Dina. Come in,” she muttered, backing away and letting the shorter girl inside.

Dina didn’t walk more than a few steps into the house, clearly preoccupied with getting whatever she needed to say off of her chest.

“We found her,” she began, looking down at the floor. “She’s alive, but they think she might be out for a bit. She lost a lot of blood overnight, jackasses didn’t patch her up.”

Maria nodded and leaned back on her counter, crossing her arms over her chest and pursing her lips while she thought up a response. 

“Are you… going to be alright?” she began, keeping her tone soft. 

Dina paused, blinking a few times and raising her shoulders in an honest shrug. 

“We’ll see where it goes from here.”

The two went quiet for a moment, the silence getting to be too much for the older to handle. She wanted to talk, but at the same time, she didn’t want to stress Dina with too many questions. 

“Joel doing alright?” she asked, keeping her question tentative at best.

Dina shrugged again. “He’ll make it. Driving the doctors insane, though.” 

“I’d bet.” Maria sighed and looked out the window above her sink, trying to keep the conversation light. She knew that Ellie being unconscious was taking a toll on Dina, and the last thing she needed was one of her best medics out of commission. 

“Maria?” Dina started, not waiting for a response. “Put me on the medical bay for the next week. I’ll do the night shifts, tell Cammie she can have the week off.”

The older woman went quiet for a moment, looking quizzically at Dina before shaking her head. 

She knew that no wouldn’t be taken for an answer.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

═══════════════

After getting dinner and getting changed for work, Dina arrived at the clinic. She and the other staff didn’t share a single word. She left it to them to close, setting herself up by Ellie’s bedside. Hopefully, nothing would go wrong around town, and all she would have to do would be to keep watch over Ellie until the clinic opened up the next morning. 

Dina sighed as she sat down at the desk next to Ellie’s bed, flipping open her book and trying to distract herself with the story in front of her.

Minutes passed, scanning the pages in silence. Dina missed Ellie’s banter, her jokes, even the stupid ones. She even missed her cute yet somewhat terrifying snoring that she’d heard time and time again when they’d fall asleep cuddled up together on overnight patrols. 

This was a different kind of sleep, an empty, silent, and deep sleep. No amount of praying would make her wake up. Dina knew that. 

It didn’t stop her from trying.

When her book no longer held enough merit to keep her attention, Dina spun around in the chair to face Ellie, looking down at her face.

She was bruised head to toe, bandaged in several places, and beaten up in general. Dina wished she’d been able to keep her awake. Maybe it was for the better that she wasn’t awake to feel everything -- Dina knew better than anyone else that her pain tolerance was terrifyingly high -- but she didn’t deserve the suffering that would come with being conscious. 

It was selfish to want her awake, Dina thought. Despite that, she couldn’t shake the regret. 

Ellie had sacrificed herself for the rest of them, and no one else seemed to care. Now she was unconscious in a hospital bed, nearly dead and hardly breathing. Of course no one would want to take the blame -- much less have a chance for it to be pinned on them.

For a moment, she wished that it was her. She wished that she had been the one to go through it all, the one to be locked up in a dull little basement all for the sake of keeping Ellie safe.

She knew that Ellie wouldn’t settle for that. If it had been the other way around, Ellie would be by her side. Maybe crying less, but by her side regardless.

Dina bit her lip and let out a shaky breath, intertwining her hand with Ellie’s. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she made no effort to hold them back, leaning in close to her best friend’s body and forcing back a choked sob.

Thoughts raced through her mind, reminders of her dreams from the night before, unbridled worry that she wouldn’t get up. Ellie was strong, possibly the strongest person Dina had ever met, but even she wasn’t exempt from the bitterness of the world.

All of what had happened could’ve been prevented had they just been more careful. More aware. Jackson wasn’t prepared for mishaps like that, they were built on trust and safety. 

Dina resented that fact on occasion, but it had been their mercy that had saved her. Their mercy had given her a place to live and have another chance, she was in no place to judge them for it.

Taking in a sharp inhale and tightening her grip on Ellie’s hand, Dina said another silent prayer to herself. No amount of willpower could pull her out of this.

It took far too much effort to make herself speak, and when she did, it was broken and weak. 

“Please be safe, El.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the somewhat shorter/late chapter, gonna try to step these up a bit!
> 
> Also, renewed us for fifteen chapters, so strap in fellas. you'll get smut eventually I promise 💖


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a long week for Ellie. 

She’d been far from with her patterns, occasionally mumbling incoherently or having a jump in her heart rate, and it had been hard to stabilize her. 

On the bright side of it all, her sleep was getting progressively less heavy, but it didn’t soothe Dina’s nerves one bit. She wouldn’t be done stressing until everything was over and Ellie was awake again.

The raven-haired girl had continued to work overtime at the clinic during the nights, refusing to let anyone else take over her shifts. She needed to be there next to Ellie through everything that she could.

Whenever she wasn’t working, she was there next to Ellie, until the staff inevitably forced her to go home. 

Often she found herself talking to Ellie at night while they were alone, telling her all about what had been happening in town. Sometimes she’d thank her for everything she’d done, or tell her secrets that she had never been able to get off her chest otherwise, finding comfort in the fact that she wouldn’t be awake to hear anything she said.

She’d ramble, sometimes for minutes on end, about how she felt, all the things she wanted to tell Ellie. Sometimes she’d go back to their first kiss, telling her how she wished that it had lasted longer - how she wished they’d been able to talk it through.

Occasionally, she wished Ellie could hear her. 

They could talk about all that they needed to if she woke up --  _ when  _ she woke up.

Sometimes she thought she was trying too hard. She even put her bracelet on Ellie’s wrist when she was sure it had healed up enough. It helped calm her nerves to know that she had even a sliver of good luck on her side.

Joel had been a pain, but the staff understood his concern. If Dina wasn’t there, he sure as hell was, acting like it’d be the end of the world if he so much as took his eyes off of her. Ellie deserved no less -- she deserved to be protected and cared for -- but the medical team was getting fed up with working around him.

Life had gotten dull around the fort without Ellie around. For such a quiet girl, she had a big impact, and her absence left a dark cloud over everyone’s head. Even Cat had been hesitant to bicker with Dina as of late, and it’d be a lie to say that neither of them missed it. At that point, they’d practically made a silent promise to go swiftly back to it the day Ellie was up and running.

All of the long nights spent crying by Ellie’s bedside blurred together, and life felt bleak again. Just as it had when Ellie told her about her first kiss with Cat. The same way it had whenever Ellie would leave for days on end with only a note. 

She barely slept and hardly ever ate. After the first few days of losing sleep, she resorted to taking a shot before bed, the alcohol soothing her thoughts long enough to get comfortable with Ellie’s hoodie until she could fall asleep.

Dina wouldn’t admit to it, and she didn’t want to call it a problem. It’d be over as soon as Ellie was with her again, she promised herself. 

Regret was one of the only things she could feel after the spill in the neighborhood. She wished that she’d been more aware, or gotten an upper hand when she still could. Anything to have a better outcome.

Maybe if she had, Rowan and Ellie would still be with them, brightening up Jackson as they always had before.

It became increasingly harder to hold herself together as the days went by. The smallest things were enough to put her off, and her coworkers tried their best to be mindful of it, but Dina was nearly impossible to comfort. Even Jesse couldn’t calm her down.

Overworking herself was Dina’s only escape, and eventually, even that wouldn’t suffice. 

The only thing that could  _ comfort  _ her was knowing that Ellie would be okay.

═══════════════

More days of waiting had passed, and everyone had gotten even more worried. Ellie showed no signs of coming to, but Joel refused to leave her side regardless. Sometimes he’d bring his guitar and play for her, hoping that somehow she would hear him. 

Hardly anyone stopped to check in on her save for Joel and Dina, but she’d get the occasional visit from Tommy or Maria on her bad days. Even Cat had been distant. No one wanted to see Ellie like this, bruised and unconscious. They knew Ellie would have their heads if she knew they had been there with her in that state.

It seemed hopeless. With how much blood Ellie had lost and their inability to get any food with substance into her system, the odds were never in her favor.

No one wanted to say it, but everyone had been thinking it. She might not make it.

It didn’t seem likely, not with everything she’d been through. The majority of people who even slightly knew her would understand that she was resilient, and even more than that, stubborn.

Just when everyone had begun to give up hope and only a few hours before the medics were ready to give up on Ellie, forest green eyes opened, adjusting slowly to the light that filtered through the open window. 

The room didn’t feel empty, but she knew that she wasn’t being watched. Not like she had the last time she was awake. 

_ When was the last time she’d been awake? _

Memories started to return to her, pain flaring up in her side as she tried to bring her hand to her face. Her breathing picked up, eyes darting quickly to her wrist, still lightly scarred from where the rope had dug into her skin.

“Ellie?”

A gruff voice from the other side of the room reminded Ellie that she was safe again. Home. She could be at ease as long as he was there with her.

“Christ, Ellie, you’re up,” Joel murmured, rushing to her side. He remained silent for a moment, waiting for words to come to him. “Don’t you ever scare us like that again,” he stammered, placing a calloused hand on her arm and holding her for reassurance. 

Ellie looked up at him for a moment, brows furrowing as she looked him over. More of her memory crashed into her, eyes welling up as she balled her fist around the sheets beneath her. 

“I-.. I couldn’t bring him back,” she muttered, forcing herself to look away from Joel, doe-eyed. She bit her lip, trying to hold back tears. 

Joel’s expression softened as he released his hold on her arm, looking down at her for a moment. It was hard to find words, and he hadn’t quite expected her to be so shaken up about Rowan.

“You did everything that you could,” he started, averting his gaze to the other end of the room and shaking his head. “I hear you really stepped up out there.”

Ellie swallowed hard and forced herself to sit up, wincing at the sudden kick of pressure in her side. She noticed that she’d been changed into one of her t-shirts and a pair of shorts, only worrying about where they came from for a moment before it dawned on her.

Dina.

The last she remembered of Dina was when she’d first untied her. The way she clung to her and reassured her. She remembered some of the ride home, how Dina had helped her into Joel’s saddle, and told her it’d be okay. 

The rest of her memory was blank.

She turned her attention away from her clothing and back to the man who now looked at her with concern plastered all over his expression, forcing back her tears.

As expected, she couldn’t find anything to say; nothing that could show him what she needed to tell him. Her mind raced, forcing back anything she’d regret later, until she eventually gave up and looked down to her hands. 

“I’ll, ah, go get the doc, figure they’ve been fixin’ to talk to you,” Joel mumbled, clearing his throat as he stood up and walked over to the door, stopping himself before he could exit the room. “Get some rest, kiddo.”

═══════════════

It had been a few hours since Ellie had seen anyone in her room, and she was starting to think that she’d been forgotten. She knew, of course, that the medics hadn’t left her for dead, but it had been far quieter than she had expected. No one walked in to ask her if she needed anything, and no one came to fuss over her. 

For that she was thankful.

She was starting to get used to the silence, if anything, beginning to appreciate it.

That held true, up until Dina walked in.

She looked exhausted and broken, keeping her gaze to the floor as she walked in.

Ellie perked up, green eyes bright as the moon reflected off of them.

“Dina?” she asked, tentatively at best. It was hard to mask her enthusiasm, 

As soon as she spoke, Dina froze, dropping her backpack on the floor next to the desk. For a moment, she thought she was dreaming, until she saw Ellie looking back at her.

Dina took a moment to pull herself together, moving a chair over to Ellie’s bedside and sitting down, reaching for her hand and intertwining their fingers. The two sat in silence, both waiting for the other to speak.

“Didn’t expect you up so soon,” Dina began, tracing her thumb over the side of Ellie’s hand gently. “Have you been eating?”

Ellie looked up at her, holding eye contact for a moment until she had to make herself look away. She felt guilty for it, but she couldn’t lie to Dina. It was clear that Dina already knew the answer to her question, there was no point in arguing it.

“No,” she muttered, biting the inside of her lip and looking down at their hands. She raised a brow when she realized a new addition to her wrist; a bracelet. It certainly wasn’t hers. “What’s this?” she asked, staring down at the trinket before glancing back up to meet Dina’s eyes again.

“It’s for good luck,” Dina explained, shaking her head with a faint smile. They both went quiet for another moment, before Dina once again spoke. “You do need to eat.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, nodding as she leaned back on the headboard. “I know, I know. You’re getting more and more like Maria every day.”

Dina shook her head and smiled, gathering her thoughts.

“I’m really glad you’re up,” she said, watching as Ellie gave her a faint smile. “I have a lot to tell you,” she continued, lowering her voice slightly as she leaned in closer to Ellie. Warm brown eyes scanned her face, eventually stopping at her lips.

She was pulled from her daze when Ellie gave a slight nod, sitting up eagerly as she waited for Dina to speak. 

The moment that Dina noticed she hadn’t quite caught on, she backed off. It wasn’t the right time to delve into her own feelings. Not yet.

She had to make that time count -- needed to make it mean something. Being next to Ellie while she was bedridden and an entire week out of commission didn’t feel  _ special _ in any capacity, not in the way it had to be. Dina promised herself that she would make it perfect, for both of them.

“I talked to Liv earlier. She’s getting better, said she wanted to talk to you when you woke up.” Taking note of Ellie’s hesitance, Dina searched for more to fill the silence with. “How have you been holding up?”

“I’m fine,” Ellie responded flatly. 

When Dina’s stare became too much for her to handle, she looked out the window instead. Her face reddened slightly, though the darkness of the room made it less apparent.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on with you?” Dina questioned, her gaze softening on Ellie when she noticed her apprehension. “You can tell me anything. Even if it’s just to get it out of your system, I’ll be here to listen.”

Ellie huffed, taking a moment to compose herself before she could reply. Dina waited patiently, ready to listen whenever she was ready to talk.

“He’s dead, Dina.” Ellie went still, her entire body freezing up before she could bring herself to continue. “They were supposed to be safe here, and because of me, he died.” Ellie paused once more, moving her free hand up to her face, wiping a tear away from her cheek. “Maybe if I’d caught on sooner-- or- I don’t know,” she stammered, looking down at her lap as she felt Dina’s hand tighten around hers. 

Ellie went silent a moment longer, breath catching in her throat. When she finally found the right words, they were the opposite of what Dina expected. 

“It should have been _ me  _ that died back there. Not him.”

Dina froze, fairly sure that her heart had skipped a few beats. 

_ She didn’t mean that, did she? She couldn’t. _

Dina bit her lip, looking up to try and meet Ellie’s eyes.

“Ellie…” she trailed off, trying to form a response. “Don’t say that. It isn’t your fault,” she started, shaking her head slightly. 

The taller girl went silent and fumbled with the hem of her shirt, trying to ease her mind. 

“I promised that I’d bring everyone back,” she mumbled, breath catching in her throat. 

Dina forced back tears, still struggling with Ellie’s words. She wasn’t sure that she’d get over those.

“You did your best.” She paused, looking away and loosening her grip on the other girl’s hand. “No one blames you.”

Ellie wanted to protest, but Dina eyed her warningly, silently getting her point across. She knew that neither of them would budge, so Ellie submitted, letting out a low sigh.

“Get some rest, El. If you heal up nice you’ll be out in a few days’ time.” Dina gave her another reassuring squeeze before letting go of Ellie’s hand, standing up and pushing the chair back to its original position.

Silence fell over the room, and before long, Ellie was fast asleep.

═══════════════

Less than two hours after she’d finally gotten Ellie to sleep, Dina was pulled from her thoughts when she heard quiet mumbling from Ellie’s side of the room. 

“ _ Dina, _ ” she grumbled, clutching her blanket closer to herself. “Dina,” she said, now louder, flipping herself over onto her front. Her brows furrowed slightly, body tense. 

Dina blinked a few times, watching as Ellie’s breath got more rapid, turning into short, labored gasps. Whatever it was Ellie was dreaming of, it was most definitely not peaceful.

Standing up and rushing over to Ellie’s side, Dina grabbed onto her shoulders, holding her still. “Ellie,” she urged, clutching onto her tighter.

Ellie awoke with a start, eyes wide as they darted around the room, eventually landing on Dina. It was still dark, perhaps even a bit darker than it had been before, and it took Ellie far too long to realize that she wasn’t in danger. Her dreams had not been kind to her, of course, she couldn’t expect anything else of her mind than to torment her.

That fucking basement.

As her vision adjusted to the dim light once more, she met Dina’s eyes with her own frantic gaze. She recognized the clinic after a brief moment of looking around -- it was definitely not the first time that she’d done something stupid enough to end her up there. 

She took a moment to settle her breathing, trying to ease the shaking in her hands as she held on to Dina’s arms. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. You’re safe. Everything’s alright.” Dina loosened her hold on Ellie’s body, making no effort to move away. Eventually, Ellie let go of her on her own accord, sitting up in her bed. 

“I’m sorry,” Ellie all but whimpered, trying desperately to level out her breathing. “I don’t know what… I’m not sure what happened, I didn’t mean to bother you, I just-”

“Stop.” Dina cut her off, leaning in and pulling her into a hug. It would have been more satisfying had Ellie not been sitting down in bed, but it calmed them both. “You didn’t bother me. Are you okay?”

As soon as she had gone back to her normal breathing, she leaned into Dina’s embrace, too weak to hug back sufficiently. “I’m… I’ll be alright.”

Dina nodded and pulled away, but she was still doubtful. 

“Scoot over,” Dina requested, though it was more of a command at that point. “I’m gonna cuddle you, and you have no choice but to accept.”

Despite her exceedingly outward confusion, Ellie moved over to the other side of the twin bed, getting herself close to the edge and making herself comfortable. 

As soon as Ellie was situated, Dina got into the bed next to her, on top of the covers. It was fairly cramped, but Dina made sure that there was enough space. 

Pushing the boundaries in doing so, Dina put her arm around Ellie, making sure to avoid her stitches. They had cuddled before, and Ellie refused to admit how it comforted her.

Slowly but surely, Ellie felt herself coming down from her adrenaline high, sinking back into Dina’s arms and looking out the open window. Part of her wished that they were facing each other, that she could ever so easily lean in and kiss her, but she knew better. 

Even if Dina wanted that from her, Ellie knew that she’d get in trouble for putting too much strain on her stitches, or something of the sort. Instead of taking action and doing what she wanted desperately to do, she let her mind wander. 

It took a fair amount of time, but eventually, she drifted to sleep. 

For once, she rested easy knowing that she wasn’t alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all can have a little bit of soft stuff. as a treat.


	8. Chapter 8

Ellie liked to think that she understood the way she felt, but she had never cursed a sunrise quite like she had the ones she didn’t want to see.

Over time, she came to terms with the fact that nothing she could do could bring Rowan back. It was already common knowledge, but it took far too long to set in. It didn’t seem like something she needed to dwell on; she’d lost people before, those of which were closer to her than a teenage boy that she’d barely known. 

Her life had gotten so dull that she could no longer blame the low point on losing Rowan. She couldn’t even blame it on her time in the basement -- it had gotten to her, but she pushed her feelings about it to the back of her mind to never worry about them. 

Sometimes her thoughts got to her, but she made sure not to take them out on anyone else, instead filling her journal with rambles and doodles to try and compartmentalize it further.

The harder she tried, the easier it became to force down her feelings. 

That had been the goal in the first place; to keep pretending that her problems meant nothing to her until they all went away. She knew that it wasn’t right for her and recognized the toll it was taking. Ellie knew that no amount of pressure that she put on herself would ‘fix’ her.

All she wanted was an answer. For what, she was unsure, but she knew that she needed some level of comprehension. Anything was better than waking up, sitting at a guard post for twelve hours, only to go home and fall asleep just to repeat the process. 

Wallowing in self-loathing could only get her so far, and pushing herself past her limits was the best way for her to make up for everything that she’d missed. 

It had become a personal goal to get out of the fort. Ellie liked to be home and have a sense of security that came with it, but she was beyond overwhelmed, and she was getting  _ tired.  _ It’d never come up in conversation, but everyone could tell. Especially Dina.

The two of them had managed to build an invisible barrier between each other, the distance growing more significant as the days passed. Cat had drifted back into Ellie’s life, glad to have her friend again, but Dina was never around to sass her. 

It was foreign to have such peace after four years of petty bickering, and it was needless to say that everyone missed it.

Ellie wondered if she’d done something wrong. Dina had never been the type to hold a grudge or stay silent when she had a problem, and Ellie knew that for a fact. 

Before long, Maria cleared her for work. 

She couldn’t leave Jackson, not yet, but she was still allowed to work shifts on the wall. Ellie took advantage of that fact, working the most extended shifts that she could take up. No one dared question her motives; they knew her well enough to understand the risk they’d be taking in that pursuit of knowledge.

Most days, Ellie wouldn’t eat much more than the bare minimum, if even that. Once again, nobody brought it up to her, but she knew that it was becoming more apparent.

One week into her shifts on the gate, Ellie woke up miserable -- more miserable than usual, at least. It took a great effort to get out of bed, but she managed to force herself through it, much to her own surprise.

Much like any other day, Dina was on patrol, and Ellie was stuck on the wall with Aren. 

It wasn’t busy by any stretch, and they’d gone back to somewhat warm weather, but Ellie doubted that it’d hold up for longer than two weeks. She dreaded the cold, knowing all too well that they’d need to be on high alert as soon as the rain picked up.

Just when she thought she was settling into a routine, Ellie spotted Aren walking over to her from his side of the post. 

“Ellie?” He addressed, leaning on the rail to his right. For someone as level headed as himself, he looked somewhat concerned. “You good? You look like you’re going to pass out.”

Swallowing hard and forcing a smile, Ellie nodded tentatively. “I’m fine. Just a few hours left on this shift, I’ll make it,” she said, making her best attempt to convince him. 

Aren sighed, drumming his fingers on the rail and looking Ellie in the eye as if trying to warn her. He didn’t have a reason to ‘warn’ her, but he showed no signs of relenting. “I’ll take over. Just go home, I’ve got it.”

Ellie shuddered, searching her mind for an excuse. Of course, she knew why she wanted to stay, but she wouldn’t let herself say it. 

All she wanted was the assurance that Dina was safe. 

“I can’t. Maria’s gonna be mad if I leave you alone here,” she said, pursing her lips and looking away to avoid his gaze. It was a dead giveaway, but she hoped that he’d take her word for it.

“Ellie, go rest up, please?” he asked, more sincere the second time around. It was clear that he didn’t trust her reasoning; he was no stranger to Maria’s decisions, well acquainted with her leniency. Despite his suspicion, he played along. “I’ll handle Maria.”

Ellie hesitated a moment longer, before rolling her eyes, letting out a deep sigh, and hefting her backpack over her shoulder. She paced over to the ladder, stopping just as she reached it. 

“You’re the worst,” she said, shooting him a faint smile. “Thank you.”

═══════════════

As soon as Ellie reached her porch, she was met immediately by a stern look.

There stood Joel, leaning on the railing of her porch, brows furrowed in what looked like frustration, if not worry. He seemed confrontational in his mannerisms, and Ellie did not enjoy it in the slightest.

Ellie slowed immediately, taking a few apprehensive steps onto the porch. 

When the silence between them went on long enough, Joel turned to face her, slowly blinking before he spoke. “Were you gonna keep trying to deal with this all by yourself?”

Ellie, taken aback, shouldered off her backpack, setting it down next to her door. As she turned back to face him, she grimaced, giving an honest shrug. She remained silent for a moment longer, fumbling with her hands to keep them occupied. 

“Figured if I pretended it wasn’t happening long enough it’d just... I don’t know. Maybe it’d stop,” she said, her lips set in a hard line as she held back a ramble.

“You know we’re all here for you.” He let out a deep sigh, hanging his thumb in the pocket of his jeans. “I know I am.”

“I don’t even know what’s happening with me,” she said, forcing back the shakiness that she felt in her voice. “I keep looking for a problem --  _ anything,  _ \-- but in the end, it’s always just been me.” 

They both went quiet, Ellie bringing her hand up to her face and attempting to wipe her tears. The tension in the air between them made it harder for her to breathe, but she put on her best strong face, acting as if she wasn’t ready to start bawling her eyes out at a moment’s notice.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on in that mind of yours, probably never will,” Joel started, looking over to her and arching a brow with uncertainty. “But you need to talk to us about things like this.” 

Ellie shook her head, letting out a faint attempt at a chuckle, blinking back the rest of the tears that glistened in her eyes. “I wish that I could do that. I really do.” She froze for a moment, the corner of her lips quirking up into a sad smile. “Just don’t think that it’d do us any good.”

Joel’s jaw set, evidently forcing himself not to protest. “Care to at least try tellin’ me some of what’s got you all out of whack?” 

Ellie paused, drawing her lip between her teeth as she prepared herself to explain. She didn’t dare tell him what had happened back in the basement, instead going to the first thing off the top of her head.

“Promise you won’t laugh at me?” she asked apprehensively, shoving her hands in her coat pockets and fidgeting with her hands. 

“I’d never,” he assured, expression blank as he waited for her to speak.

Ellie hesitated for a good amount of time, her expression hardening.

“I think… I think I might like her-- Dina. I think I always have,” Ellie winced at her confession, as if preparing herself for some sort of backlash, eyes fixed on a pair of crows in the street parallel to her deck. “I just don’t know if she could ever see me like that.” 

“You were worried about tellin’ me that?” Joel asked, brows creased slightly. He didn’t expect it, not from her, but he couldn’t be upset. 

“I thought you’d be upset,” Ellie tremored, scratching the back of her head anxiously. Testing the waters, she looked up, making the best eye contact that she could with Joel. “I don’t want to lose her.”

Joel nodded, bringing his hand to his chin to scratch his beard in nervous habit. Ellie was still preparing herself for some sort of protest,  _ any _ negativity from him. She found none, and for that she was beyond relieved.

“I’d be a liar to say that I had even the slightest clue what’s going on with you two,” he remarked, giving a lopsided yet reassuring smile. “But, I do know that you deserve to be with someone who looks at you every day like they’ve got the whole world standing right in front of them.”

Ellie scoffed, putting on her best deadpan expression. “You’re such a sucker,” she retorted, faking frustration and stiffening her posture. 

“C’mere, kiddo,” he mumbled, finally breaking the barrier between them and wrapping his arms around her in a strong hug. Ellie didn’t waste a moment, clinging to him until she felt fine again. She stayed there for what felt like several minutes, but Joel didn’t seem to mind it in the slightest. 

He was proud of her for speaking up about even a part of how she felt, but his heart wrenched at how low she seemed to be feeling. He’d give anything to change that for her -- she knew that just as well as he did -- but they both knew that it was up to her.

“I’m gonna go to bed,” Ellie muttered as she pulled away from him, half-stumbling over to her door.

“At five in the afternoon?” he questioned, a look of mild amusement plastered to his face. 

“You heard me.” Ellie picked up her backpack, pulling her keys out of her back pocket. 

“Well alright then. Make sure you get somethin’ to eat, keep up like this and you’re gonna turn into a pile of dust,” he grumbled, giving her a gentle pat on the back before walking towards the steps. “Get some good sleep. Maria’s gonna want you back on patrols in due time.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, turning to face him one last time before walking into her house. “Looking forward to it.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joel tries his best pt. 2, electric boogaloo


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back lovelies!!
> 
> Thank you to everyone that's stuck around this long, and sincerest apologies for the wait. This chapter is basically just the fine art of bullshit in essence, so do with that what you will. Hope you like this one, thank you for all the support!

Rarely did Ellie find herself thanking whatever gods might be out there, but finally being allowed to go on a patrol with Dina was pushing her to that point. 

She loved everyone in town, but it was starting to get out of hand.

After she was cleared for work, she managed to persuade Maria into assigning her to the trails. For her first days out in a long time, she was feeling surprisingly good about herself. Her wounds had mostly healed, only hurting her on occasion, and even then, it was bearable. 

Much to everyone’s surprise, she had gotten back into a good condition relatively fast.

Still forbidden from working on the farm as not to mess up any of her remaining ailments, she returned to leading patrols, and the consensus was that they had missed her. Often, she stuck to shorter routes, primarily teaching their newer recruits everything that came with going on patrol. 

It was a pleasant surprise to have so many new citizens that were willing to leave the safety of the walls on the regular, most of which excited to learn. Ellie felt proud to have the honor of showing them around.

On the off chance that she was allowed a longer route, she made a silent pledge to herself to take everything in and enjoy herself, even if it was only her work. 

After plenty of negotiation, she landed on a route with Dina and Livia.

They set out early, just as the sun came up, the same way Ellie usually preferred to take her routes. The earlier, the better, seeing as it gave them more wiggle room with daylight in case they ran into anything. She was used to working at dusk, but much preferred the day if she could get it.

As the three left the stables, the conversation was reasonably limited, but everyone understood why. The weight of the last few weeks hung heavy over their heads, and while Dina had spent her time growing closer to Livia, Ellie had only distanced herself more. 

When Ellie thought about it, it dawned on her that she had barely even spoken to Dina in the last week. She wondered if Dina noticed the gap between them -- whether she had contributed to it, or if she was only trying to give Ellie the time she needed. 

Either way, Ellie wished that she would have reached out. Anything to show her that she still wanted to be close. Their time apart had been enough to solidify what Ellie wanted, but she wasn’t sure that it would ever be a reality.

She knew that in the end that she needed to be the one to come to Dina. She had missed all of the opportunities given to her, mostly due to her own denial. If she could find even an ounce of confidence around Dina, maybe she could bring herself to step up.

Even if Dina could never see her that way -- whatever ‘that way’ may entail -- Ellie wanted to get her feelings out on the table eventually. Speaking with Joel had reminded her of the fact that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t put this on the back burner. 

It’d be better to take her shot and end up broken than live knowing that it was just a missed opportunity, only what could have been.

Once the three reached the main trail, Ellie took up a position in the back, while Livia and Dina walked side by side ahead of her. Some new form of tension hung heavy in the air, a defined barrier between Ellie and the conversation at hand. 

“You know, I’m starting to worry about my mom. She’s been quiet, hasn’t even been giving the tavern any grief lately,” Livia said, heels slack in her stirrups. 

“I’d bet Cat’s thankful for that, Tommy and Seth have been giving her shit all week,” Dina quipped. She hadn’t lied -- leave it to the older men in Jackson to frequent the Tipsy Bison like it was the only thing keeping them on two feet.

“Anything’s better than you and her fighting on the daily. What’s up with that?” Livia seemed genuinely intrigued, to which Ellie couldn’t blame her. Their fights provided some of the best entertainment in the fort -- everyone knew that they didn’t  _ hate  _ each other -- but it was clear that some of their remarks held truth to them.   
  


“Nothing much, just haven’t had a certain handsome someone to fight over as of late,” Dina said, shooting Ellie a smug yet accusatory look over her shoulder. 

“Oh, shut up!” Ellie butted in, her first time speaking in a reasonable amount of time. “You two don’t fight over me. You have plenty of other reasons to be at each other’s throats.”

Ellie’s mind lingered on the fact that Dina had been fighting over  _ her _ for a moment longer than she’d admit. Was she jealous? As embarrassing as it was, Ellie found that far too attractive for her own good.

“Nah, I know what I’m talking about here, you’re just dumber than a brick.” Dina turned back to face the trail, her smirk still plastered on her face.

“Dina has a point. Believe it or not, Cat knows what she’s doing every once in a while.” Livia continued to look forward, her eyes dialed in on the path before her. “She only picks fights when you’re a part of it. She obviously cares about you.”

If Livia was good for one thing, it was backing up Dina. The two of them had built a dynamic throughout the last week, and Ellie already knew that they’d be undefeated in today’s endeavors.

“She only does it to give Dina shit, have you ever even met her?” Ellie scoffed, rolling her eyes at the thought of the bickering that she’d been the subject of for years. “Besides, it’s not like you two have anything to fight over,” she gestured to Dina, tilting her head slightly. 

“You don’t even know the half of it,” Dina remarked, a faint smile adorning her features as she continued.

_ What was that supposed to mean? _

“Oh really?” Ellie feigned composure, though she was tense in her saddle, keeping her train of thought as controlled as she could. 

“Ellie, you need to get that checked,” Dina said, a heavy tone of mischief behind her words. Ellie picked up on it immediately, her nerves spiking ever so slightly.

“What do you mean?” she questioned tentatively, trying not to sound  _ too _ interested -- or concerned -- in her response.

“Your head - should see if the medics can do some sort of test,” Dina explained matter-of-factly, still keeping her punchline to herself. 

It was almost unsettling how well she was keeping herself composed, which told Ellie that she should prepare to be entirely and wholly destroyed.

“Why’s that?” Ellie puzzled yet again, an unmistakably worried tone seeping into her voice.

“Gotta prove that your brain’s still there somehow, yeah?”

Livia forced back a laugh, watching intently as Ellie faked a particularly threatening glare in their general direction.

“My brain is perfectly fine, thanks,” Ellie assured, her knuckles tightening around her reins defensively. She had made a silent pledge to herself to defend the last shred of dignity that she held onto with her life, and so far, that pledge had fallen through. 

“If you say so.”

_ Snap. _

Somewhere off to the side of the trail, Ellie heard something break, most likely a twig, followed by some sort of incoherent rustling. No one else seemed to take note, but Ellie was on high alert, her nerves spiking.

“Stop.”

Ellie’s tone shifted, the word coming out a cold and firm statement. Both of her partners pulled back their reins and did as she asked. Over time, they’d learned to trust her, even if she seemed paranoid over nothing. Dina would be the first to go out of her way if it meant easing Ellie’s nerves, and Livia understood.

Ellie steered shimmer off to the side of the trail, trotting her a few paces ahead. Her hand tightened around her pistol as she waited for whoever -- or whatever -- had made the noise in question.

As if on queue, a runner came barreling through the undergrowth, stumbling over a root on the trail. Guttural chokes turned to enraged screams, its body writhing around as it attempted to get to its feet.

Ellie froze for a split second, turning Shimmer on her hind and pivoting to get the infected in her range. The horse whinnied, she was well acquainted with the bloody murder screeching that came with infected, but that didn’t lessen her instincts.

Before her horse could spook any further, Ellie took her shots, waiting for the wailing to quiet down. 

_ How had it gotten so deep into their territory? Where exactly had it come from? _

Ellie still held onto her pistol at her side, keeping her reins in one hand as she turned to face the other two. Shimmer didn’t seem to be as hesitant as before, eased now that the infected was dead, and more importantly, quiet.

Livia looked shocked, more disturbed by the bloodied up body than anything else. Dina, however, shared a glance with Ellie, eyes set on each other. They both knew what that could have meant, but neither of them wanted to say it.

“Be glad you look hot when you’re trying to be all heroic. I’m  _ this close- _ ” she paused, giving an exaggerated pinching gesture, “-to telling Joel you ran in blind like that.”

Ellie scoffed, shooting a glance at the body laying stock still on the trail. “Please don’t. He’d lecture me for hours if he knew.” 

Dina rolled her eyes. “You gotta be more careful. Seriously.”

“Not even a thank you?” Ellie complained, feigning a whine. She knew Dina was a worrier, despite how hard she tried to play it off. 

“C’mon idiot, let’s get to the post before you break something.”

═══════════════

Getting to the post was easier said than done. Livia was still somewhat shaken up, but she and Dina had gone back to their gossip. Ellie took the lead this time, on high alert until her worries could be set on the back burner. 

The lookout building was nothing special, perhaps an old office or a studio, but it served its purpose. Clearly ready for a break, even though they’d only been out for an hour or two, the group was beyond relieved to see the outpost.

Luckily for all of them -- although the skies were overcast -- no rain fell. Hopefully, things would stay that way for a good amount of time, or at least long enough to get back to Jackson. 

The three shuffled into the lookout as if their lives depended on it, Livia the first one to enter. 

“Liv, think you could get the book?” Dina requested, to which Livia nodded and made her way to the other room. 

As soon as she had left, Dina intertwined her fingers with Ellie’s, dragging her towards one of the office cubicles. The room was absolutely trashed, left with nothing but a desk, some filing cabinets, and a sofa that had clearly seen better days. 

Pulling her towards the window, Dina smiled up at Ellie, hanging one arm around the back of her neck. Ellie tensed up slightly, but was quick to melt into her touch, hands finding purchase at Dina’s hips instinctively.

“You got a little somethin’,” Dina mumbled, bringing her free hand up to Ellie’s face. She swiped her thumb over Ellie’s cheek, slowly, -- perhaps a bit too slowly, -- and shot her a faint grin. Trailing her hand down Ellie’s jaw, she finally pulled it away, hanging it behind Ellie’s neck with the other one.

Ellie paused, her face heating up. It was hard to convince herself that this was just good ol’ flirty Dina being flirty, it felt different, and half of her had been expecting the shorter girl to push her away immediately. 

It was a pleasant surprise when she didn’t.

Ellie, clearly flustered, had to take a moment of gentle swaying to compose her thoughts. 

She was so close. All she needed to do was lean in. The possibility of rejection loomed over her, nearly forcing her away on its own. Her body was acting on its own volition and leaving her mind in the dust, and she wasn’t sure if she was bothered by it. 

Dina was giving her an opportunity, and she needed to take it.

“How sweet. You got a little somethin’ too,” Ellie breathed, leaning in and giving her a gentle peck, just below her jaw. When she felt her turn her head to the side ever so slightly, giving her more access, she went in for a deeper kiss.

She wasn’t too sure if she was going too far, but Dina didn’t protest. Ellie’s smirk only grew when Dina bucked her hips forward into her. To that she trailed along Dina’s face, stopping and giving her a gentle kiss to the sensitive skin beneath her ear. Anything to push the boundaries, to see where she stood.

She was pleased to hear Dina’s breath hitch in her throat, pulling away slowly and letting her hands fall away from her friend’s waist.

_ Friend. _ Could she even call her that?

Dina looked a bit disappointed at the loss of contact, clearing her throat and nodding. It seemed like she hadn’t quite expected Ellie to contest with her, a bit too flushed for someone with the same air of confidence that she carried everywhere she went.

“Let’s go get Liv,” Dina said, stumbling over her words ever so slightly. “Tommy wanted us back to do the stables, they couldn’t find anyone else to do it today.” 

Ellie nodded, still grinning giddily. She was far too proud of herself, even if it was only a kiss, it was a step in the direction she wanted to go in. 

She wasn’t sure that she’d been very ‘present’ for the rest of the day, not even in the slightest. Her mind raced with possibilities and worries, all of which things that she couldn’t stop worrying about. 

She couldn’t get her mind off the slight chance that Dina was only doing this with her to experiment.

All the dots lined up, especially after recently breaking up with her boyfriend. Ellie wondered if she was only in it for the contact, but it didn’t seem like something Dina would do.

For the longest time, Dina had been painfully unaware of how much Ellie  _ liked _ her. Ellie was quick to recover whenever she let something slip, bouncing back from every accidental confession. She never wanted to, but she convinced herself that their friendship would fall apart otherwise. 

Ellie had absolutely no clue how Dina felt - if it was even remotely similar to herself. 

She hoped that Dina had never forgotten each and every time that she’d put her heart on her sleeve and gone for it in the past. Maybe she hadn’t, considering how far and few those occurrences were. 

Ellie felt a deep ache in her chest, skin still a bit flushed. When they exited the cubicle, Livia was waiting by the door, arms crossed over her chest, looking far too smug as they tumbled through the door. 

For a moment, Ellie wondered how much Dina told her. Hopefully, nothing more than Ellie knew, but she wouldn’t be surprised if Dina had taken the information elsewhere for an ‘unbiased opinion,’ much like she’d done with drama around Jackson before. 

Ellie didn’t want them to be drama. She understood how it might come off, but she hoped that Dina would give her a chance to be something more to her.

Snapped from her thoughts, Dina grabbed Ellie by the arm and brought her over to the door wordlessly, bringing her outside to their horses. She followed along without question, assuming she’d missed some sort of cue. 

The world felt quiet around her, not loud enough to block out her own disaster of an inner monologue. 

Eventually, the three went back to regular operation, Ellie leading them silently as the other two talked amongst themselves. Whether they meant to block her out of the conversation or not, Ellie didn’t pay enough mind to make out their words, wanting nothing more than to get back to the fort.

═══════════════

It didn’t take long to get home now that Ellie was ahead of the other two.

Always one to get things done quickly and cleanly, Ellie had taken one too many shortcuts for their liking. It had worked out in their favor, and as if something had instructed it to do so other than science itself, rain began falling over the county. 

Ellie felt bad for the rest of the patrols, knowing that most routes took a few hours more than hers. The threat of continued rain also made it significantly more likely for the horses to get  _ absolutely filthy,  _ which Ellie wanted no part of, not while she was stuck on stable duty.

She and Dina had made quick work of untacking the horses and tidying up, but the conversation between them remained just as limited as before. Ellie would do anything to get rid of the tension, but she knew that Dina was holding  _ something _ back, be it personal or not. The way she had acted earlier was proof of that, just a glimpse at what she had wanted.

When the two finally wrapped up their chores, Ellie bid Shimmer farewell, swinging her backpack over her shoulder. As she passed the bulletin board, she couldn’t help smiling adoringly at Dina’s angry, scribbled notes --  _ ‘Whoever’s been spoiling Japan needs to cut it out, he’s getting stubborn.’ _

Just when she reached the door, she felt a surprisingly strong grip on her forearm. She whipped around to face whoever it was that had stopped her, and much to her relief, it was Dina.

“Come talk with me.”

Ellie froze, giving her an anxious nod. Her plans had been to go home and relax for a few hours, but she didn’t think about it, not with the possibility of  _ some _ sort of information. Although she was indifferent when it came to confrontation, Ellie needed something -- anything -- to ease her mind.

Dina loosened her grip on Ellie’s forearm, holding her hand once again as she pulled her to the back of the stable. 

The spot had been one of their ‘secret’ places for a long time, a small cove of sorts on one end of the barn, protected from the rain with an overhang from the roof. Normally it would be tool storage, but after their expansions earlier in the year, it was repurposed to store the extra bales of hay that didn’t fit in the loft.

Ellie had a lot of bittersweet memories there. Be it the first time Dina brought up her relationship with Jesse -- simultaneously the first time that Ellie had inadvertently expressed how stupidly in love she was with her. Dina had never picked up on it, as far as she knew, but the memory never failed to stick with her. 

The two sat down side by side on one of the bales, the taller of them fidgeting with the twine apprehensively. 

“So... what’d you want to talk about?” Ellie started, looking up to meet warm brown eyes. Her heart skipped a beat at the faint smile on Dina’s face, struggling to keep herself composed.

“Nothing much, just..” Dina trailed off, staring down at the ground below her. “El, I have a question for you, and I need you to be honest with me about it.”

The force behind her tone intimidated Ellie far more than she’d let off, causing her to hesitate for a split second.

“Yeah. Ask away,” she gave her best reply, forcing herself to be put together, ultimately failing. Dina picked up on her nervousness, but she did nothing to pry or point it out. Ellie thanked her for that, albeit silently.

“Do you have feelings for me?”

_ Was it even a question? _

Dina’s statement hit Ellie like a truck. Her eyes went wide, jaw set as she bit her lip. 

To her credit, she’d been fairly obvious. She had to, or, felt as if she did. Dina had no reason not to believe that she was head over heels, and, at this point, she would be correct in saying it.

For a moment, she looked like a deer in headlights, like she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t. It took a lot of effort to pull her stare away from the ground, forest green eyes set on Dina intently. 

“Yeah,” she mumbled, tugging at the twine beneath her fingers. The response was underwhelming, but very much there.

Part of Ellie expected Dina to recoil; to shy away and run back to her friends. She knew Dina was better than that, she confronted things that needed confronting, but that fact would never be enough to make her comfortable facing this head on. 

Four years of pining did a lot to a person, Ellie knew that better than she would have liked to.

“You know,” Dina murmured, her voice just loud enough for Ellie to hear. “I’ve liked you since the first day you were here.” 

Ellie froze again, tugging harder at the twine. It held strong, despite all of what Ellie was putting it through. 

Dina turned to face her with her entire body, one leg crossed over her lap. “Mhmm. I’ve been _so_ _fucking in love with you,_ that I’m not rightly sure what to do about it.”

Ellie swallowed hard, her face fully flushing red, eyes round. 

She felt an entire ten years added onto her lifespan at Dina’s words alone, breath hitching ever so slightly. 

“So yes, Ellie, when me and Cat fight, it’s over  _ you.  _ I know you’re scared, and, fuck, I know this is new -- it’s new to me too,” Dina stammered, idly fidgeting with a loose piece of hay. “But I  _ know _ I’ve never felt like this before, and I get the impression that you might feel the same.”

Ellie wanted to punch herself at the mention of Cat. Her scarred brow furrowed slightly, lips hardened into a firm line. 

“You mean it?” Ellie half questioned, entirely for her own reassurance. 

“God, you’re so fucking stupid,” Dina finally broke with a faint chuckle, her facade entirely dropped. “Come here, dork.”

Before Ellie knew it, she was pulled into a kiss, softer than any she had shared with Dina before. To feel her lips on her again -- entirely sober and entirely on purpose -- was unfathomable to her. Eyes slammed shut, she moved in closer, free hand reaching up to hold onto Dina’s chin gently. 

After a moment of somewhat clumsy kisses, they pulled apart, eyes lingering on each other for a few seconds. 

Ellie was warm all over, regardless of the chill that the rain gave off. Once again questioning reality, she continued to fumble with the twine, her muscles tensing up as Dina stood up and moved towards the path leading towards the rest of the town.

“I gotta get going for now, what do you say we meet up again tomorrow?” 

Ellie’s face lit up, giving her a dumb nod, a lopsided grin adorning her features. “What time?”

Dina had to put in thought for a moment, but quickly got through the mental gymnastics to land at a conclusion. “How about we meet up after dinner? Everyone else is gonna be heading home, so, we’ll have the place to ourselves.”

After a moment of giddily screaming at herself in her thoughts, Ellie formed a response.

“I’d like that.”

═══════════════

Ellie was lucky to have free time, and as she had learned a long time ago, nothing could beat a rainy afternoon in her home with her notebook and some music.

She was so lost in thought that she was considering asking for directions. Whether they would help or not, she didn’t know. It was fairly unlikely.

The walk to the mess hall for dinner was far from ideal, body chilled with the rain that unceremoniously fell down on the settlement. At least it sounded nice.

Once again, Cat had chosen to sit next to her for dinner. She often took her break from serving whenever Ellie arrived -- most likely because she felt bad for her. Recently, she’d been tormenting Ellie about her so-called ‘crush,’ said crush she couldn’t deny. 

Ellie had barely started eating when she felt a new weight on the bench to her side. 

She perked up a bit, turning to face her. Dina.

Dina hardly ever sat with her at dinner -- they would always be best friends, but Dina was often grouped in with the louder group around Jackson. It was a marvel that she’d even managed to stray from their group, with how involved she normally had been.

“Hi,” Ellie said, somewhat breathily, crossing her legs under the table and instinctively leaning a bit towards Cat in a cry for help -- more specifically, advice -- even if she couldn’t provide it.

“Hey,” Dina responded, offering a gentle smile. Cat grinned giddily in the background, trying to hide her face as Ellie experienced all five stages of gay panic in the span of three seconds.

Ellie turned back to her food, trying to stay as put together as Dina had. She, the most disastrous of the three, was not having an easy time doing so.

“So, Dina, how’s it going?” Cat asked, stirring the pot more than she needed to. “I hear you two had a nice patrol earlier.”

Dina rolled her eyes, moving her free hand under the table to place it on Ellie’s thigh. Ellie nearly squeaked in surprise, but kept herself still, looking up to meet her gaze for a split second before returning to her food.

“Yeah, good. We still have to work something out with all the infected getting so close on the northern routes, but Ellie got to show off her hero complex again,” Dina grumbled the last part, still keeping her eyes off of Cat. 

“I’m sure she did. Our big ol’ strong girl, huh?” Cat jested, giving Ellie a gentle pat on the back. 

Something in Dina’s mind struck up and screamed  _ ‘not ours, mine,’  _ but she forced the thought away and gave a clearly forced laugh. 

Ellie, looking far more concerned than she’d like to, just continued to eat, hoping that keeping her mouth full would make her exempt from speaking. 

“What’d you do to her? She acts like we don’t feed her,” Dina remarked, one brow raised. 

“What did  _ I _ do to her?” Cat asked, chuckling under her breath. “I think you’re the one that’s got explaining to do.”

Ellie’s eyes went round, forcing down her food and looking at Cat warningly. 

“Well don’t look all angry about it, damn. Not like I’m the one keeping you up late at night,” Cat joked, as if she didn’t know how much truth the statement held. She definitely did.

Ellie nearly choked on air, eyes wide with urgency. That only got another hearty laugh out of Cat, meanwhile Dina continued to run her fingers over Ellie’s jeans. The smile on her face never faltered, clearly satisfied with herself.

“Don’t even get started with me, Cat,” Ellie grumbled, trying to ignore how Dina’s hand felt on her. She knew that Dina was fully aware of what she was doing to her. The effect it had on her was quite obvious, and -- despite how absolutely stupid she looked in that moment, -- Dina found it adorable.

“I say keep it up, you look so adorable when you’re all flustered.” Dina continued to eat, taking her attention away from a very grumpy looking Ellie.

“Dina’s right. We should gang up on you more often, angry is a cute look on you.”

Once again, the switch flicked in Dina’s brain that said  _ mine, _ her hold on Ellie’s leg tightening defensively. She and Cat had reiterated that they were done several times over, but that wouldn’t stop her from being jealous.

Nothing would stop her from being jealous, not around Ellie.

Ellie rolled her eyes, trying her darndest to stay deadpan. 

“Fuck you too.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big NSFW warning for this one.

Always one to enjoy a good early start, Ellie was beyond hyper as her day began. The promise of meeting up with Dina drove her mind to autopilot, even if their schedules wouldn’t permit them to see each other at earlier convenience. 

Yesterday’s rain had failed to let up, and Ellie did  _ not _ want to be in a saddle. Begrudgingly so, she did, but it was far from comfortable. 

Dina, for good reason, had been chosen to help out with the shift at the clinic. She was a talented medic, and her work ethic never failed to make her useful at the fort. As much as Ellie would have been happy to bring her along on the patrol, she had a route to teach some of their newer members, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to focus if Dina was there next to her.

The group was a bit smaller than usual, a few of the teens around the fort accompanying her and Livia. 

Over time, Ellie had learned to appreciate Livia’s company, even if it was mostly due to Dina. She didn’t mind accepting new people into her life, even if she was a bit reluctant to begin with.

“God Ellie, you should’ve seen Dina last night. She was seething,” Livia said with a small chuckle, pulling Ellie out of her scrambled thoughts. The two of them walked side by side in front of the group, the rest of the group chatting behind them. Normally Ellie would be more strict about slacking off, but this trail was an exception, a more leisurely route.

“I don’t understand how Cat makes her so upset, it isn’t like she has any competition,” Ellie grumbled, shifting around in an attempt to make herself more comfortable in the saddle. 

“She’s absolutely livid over that girl. I’m starting to see why she gets so frustrated with you.” 

Livia chuckled again, but Ellie found no humor in the statement, save for her own stupidity, which was typically not something she wanted to bring attention to. 

Dina had given her so much time, so many chances, and when enough was enough, she gave in and took it head-on. Ellie admired that about her, how when she wanted something, she’d stop at nothing to make sure it found its way to her. 

Ellie wished that she could be more like that. In some instances, she was. Ask anyone, they’d have hours worth of proof that she was the most stubborn and determined girl in the fort, but when it came to  _ Dina, _ she was wholly useless.

“I already have people making fun of me for being dumb around her, don’t you jump on the bandwagon,” Ellie huffed, swallowing hard. She was definitely embarrassed about it, but she desperately wanted to play it off.

“Bet  _ she _ wants to jump on  _ your _ bandwagon.”

Ellie went silent for a moment, tensing up like a deer in headlights. She wasn’t sure she had heard correctly, and for a moment, she prayed to the omnipotent ones that she hadn’t.

“Livia--” Ellie stuttered, grasping her reins harder as her face flushed. “Jesus Christ.”

Was it really the time to joke around? No. Was this girl going to push Ellie to her wit’s end? Absolutely. 

“Did I lie?” 

Ellie didn’t respond. 

“That’s what I thought.”

═══════════════

As soon as Ellie returned from her route, the panic set in. 

The girl that supposedly liked her, the same girl that she had wanted for years, had invited her to meet up. Alone. At night.

It wouldn’t be their first night together, obviously, they had regular sleepovers, but they were often accompanied by Jesse. Even when it was just them, it had always been platonic, even if they were more physically affectionate than the typical pair of friends.

That had always been Dina’s way of expressing her feelings. Be it playfully pecking her on the cheek, suffocating her with bear hugs, or ‘accidentally’ waking up in her arms, Dina had built a habit out of flustering Ellie. 

Ellie couldn’t help but wonder if there  _ had _ been an ulterior motive behind all of those gestures. She always saw it solely as a friend thing, no matter how much she wanted to entertain the thought that it wasn’t. 

It was only when she arrived at their spot that the anxiety  _ really _ set in. She hadn’t seen Dina around dinner, assuming that the other girl had stayed late at her shift or skipped out. Ever thankful for the dim lighting that escaped from the barn, Ellie sat stock still, looking up at the sky above her.

The clouds from the last day hung heavy in the air, rain drizzling relentlessly down on them. Ellie hoped it would let up eventually.

A few stars peeked through the clouds, but it wasn’t clear enough to make out any constellations. The moon shone faintly through the haze, giving off a thin blanketing of light. 

Before Ellie could get too lost in thought, she heard a soft voice to her right. 

“Hey,” Dina huffed, making her way over to sit cross-legged next to Ellie.

Giving her best smile, Ellie scooted over, patting the spot next to her on the hay bale.

Dina joined her on the bale, but it was clear that she didn’t care to keep any distance between them. She clung to Ellie’s side, leaning her head on the taller girl’s shoulder.

“Miss me?” Ellie remarked, taking in the warmth that Dina gave off. She was glad to be so close, even if it was making her far more flustered than she’d like to admit. 

“So fucking much.”

Ellie chuckled, an adoring smile crossing her features as she looked up at the sky. 

She couldn’t help but be worried. 

Sure, Dina had gone out of her way to meet up, she’d outright  _ said _ that she liked her more than a friend. Ellie didn’t even know if she was done with Jesse yet, if she could bring happiness into Dina’s life the way he once had. 

Assuming he ever had, at least.

On occasion, Ellie would catch them kissing, usually when they thought no one else would notice. Be it at sleepovers or any of their meetups, whenever they were together, Dina looked happy. 

Ellie loved that she  _ was _ happy, but she hated that she wasn’t the one who got to make her feel that way. She was always the best friend, the one to rant to, the one to hang out with. Having Dina in her life, even platonically, was all Ellie wanted. If that meant pretending she wasn’t stupid jealous, she would. Every fiber in her being hated it, but she didn’t quite have a choice.

Sometimes, if it was just them, Dina would tell Ellie about all of the little things Jesse did that ticked her off. She’d explain how stuck she felt in their relationship, even if she was the one always accepting Jesse back into her life when he’d fucked up time and time again.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Dina asked, her voice soft. 

“You.” 

Ellie couldn’t lie, nor did she want to. Dina had been on her mind nearly every minute of the day. Her answer wasn’t a surprise to either of them.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Dina asked, as tentatively as she could, placing her hand at Ellie’s thigh in reassurance. 

Ellie gulped and shook her head, staring up at the clouds. 

“It’s not much,” Ellie mumbled, dropping her head to avert her gaze, unable to look her in the eye. “But, yeah. I’d like to.”

“What’s going on with you?” Dina asked, keeping her body as close as she physically could to Ellie’s. 

Forcing herself to speak again, Ellie tried her best to sort through her thoughts, chewing on her lip for a moment. “I like you. A whole lot. And I don’t wanna mess this up.”

“Well, you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“I know, I just… Don’t worry about it, It isn’t a big deal.”

That was a lie. It was, in fact, a big deal to her. A bigger deal than even she knew, a heavy weight on her shoulders that she couldn’t get off. If she had the courage, she would just _ask_ \-- but she did not, in fact, have the courage. 

For all of a few seconds, the air remained silent between them, before Dina once again spoke.

“You’re terrible at hiding how flustered you get.”

Ellie grumbled, clearly unhappy to be called out. Whether it could be considered a callout or not was questionable, but it was definitely the truth.

“Hey! I’m not flustered. You can’t even make me blush if you  _ try. _ ”

Oh, how blissfully ignorant -- and incorrect -- she had been.

“Yeah?” Dina smirked, leaning in closer to her, face nestled into her body. “Those are fighting words, El.” 

They were, undoubtedly, fighting words. Perhaps Ellie hadn’t chosen her battles correctly, because she was entirely and completely fucked before this one had even begun. She had no means of flirting back, just about as smooth as eighty grit sandpaper.

“Mmh, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, forcing a smirk. An undeniable warmth welled up inside of her, to which she couldn’t  _ quite _ ignore, only repress.

Dina rolled her eyes. “Is this just your elaborate plan to get me to talk dirty with you?” she jested, all too accusingly. “It’s working.” 

“Whatever.”

“I understand. If I were you, I’d want to fuck me senseless too.” 

Ellie’s eyes widened, heartbeat kicking up in her chest. It was painful how sincere she sounded -- as if she’d been preparing to say it all day. Ellie couldn’t find words, the accusation leaving her beyond dumbfounded. It’d be wrong to say she had lied, but Ellie  _ did not _ expect it.

“Hell, if you only knew the things I wanted you to do to me…” Dina trailed off, her hand slowly caressing Ellie’s thigh. A wide grin on her face, she continued doing her best to get her worked up, and it wasn’t too far off from happening.

Ellie wasn’t used to anything more than day to day flirting, and it showed. She was completely and utterly useless, hoping the dim lighting that the stables gave off wasn’t enough to give away the violent red tone in her face.

“If you start this, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.” Ellie chuckled humorlessly at her own statement, biting down on her lip. 

Dina always loved it when she did that. Be it out of nervousness or the urge to say something else that she  _ knew _ she shouldn’t, it never failed to ignite something in her. 

“Maybe I don’t want you to stop,” Dina muttered, bringing her hand closer and closer to where she wanted to be, despite the clothing between them. “Maybe I  _ want _ you to slam me down on a bed and have your way with me. If you’d like that, that is.”

Ever a tease, she pulled away soon after, earning a shaky sigh from Ellie. 

“ _ Dina, _ ” Ellie mumbled, her tone somewhat more urgent than she’d intended. Her muscles were tense, convinced that her body was going to overheat.

“Hmm?” Dina hummed in response, moving the hand that had been on Ellie’s thigh to put it over her shoulder, fitting her face into the crook of Ellie’s neck. 

“I don’t think you quite know what you do to me,” she grumbled, rubbing her knees together, mostly in a subconscious attempt to feel something,  _ anything. _

Dina just smirked, pulling away from Ellie’s neck. All too slowly, she brought her free hand to Ellie’s chin, gently turning her until their lips were only inches apart. 

When the stillness got unbearable, Ellie was the first to give in, breaking the distance between them and connecting their lips in a kiss. Albeit clumsy at first, it picked up, heat rising between them. 

Dina couldn’t help but smile ever so slightly against her, surprised when she felt Ellie drifting away from her lips. 

As much as she wanted to go slow, wanted to take every single little part of Dina in, Ellie knew what they both wanted. 

Taking it slow was not one of their priorities right now, and so, Ellie latched onto Dina’s neck, eliciting a tremor that ran through her body, and Ellie didn’t fail to notice. Her chin turned up, granting Ellie better access to the sensitive skin below her jaw, and she took advantage of that fact. 

It was when she bit down ever so slightly that she heard Dina all but  _ whimper, _ latching onto her tightly.

The noise sparked something inside her, something she wasn’t sure she’d felt before. One hand at Dina’s hip, the other bracing herself on the bale of hay, Ellie bit down,  _ harder, _ and in turn achieved another stifled breath from her.

When they separated, Ellie noticed how Dina couldn’t even bring herself to give her a smug grin.  _ Was she actually embarrassed? _

Ellie, breath caught in her throat, immediately worried that she’d done something wrong. It’d be out of her nature to not worry, of course, so she did. “Sorry, about--”

Dina stopped her, her deep brown eyes round with need. “That was so  _ fucking _ hot.”

  
  


═══════════════

  
  


Only moments later, Ellie found herself clumsily staggering down the streets towards her house, with Dina damn near attached at the hip. The occasional kiss pressed to her jaw, she and Dina were a giggling mess, only pulling apart so Ellie could unlock her door.

She and Dina were drenched in rain, cold and laughing, and she’d never felt so giddy in her life. It was a good change from her pining and distancing.

“Come in,” Ellie husked, giving off as much sarcasm as she could manage. The effort was not lost on Dina.

Dina rolled her eyes, already kicking off her boots as soon as Ellie could lock the door. She took a moment to look around. The string lights hanging around the room offered all the light that Ellie needed, one of the many details that made her room cozy. 

As if it had been planned, Ellie’s bed was made, and Dina couldn’t help but let her lips curl up into a faint smile when she noticed it. Whether she had been preparing to bring her home or not, Dina found it adorable. She knew Ellie, more specifically how messy she tended to be, never bothering to make her bed if she didn’t feel like it. 

When Ellie turned around, Dina didn’t hesitate to latch onto her, bringing their lips together again. More fierce than earlier,  _ hungrier, _ Ellie bit down on her lip, one hand firm at her shoulder as she all but pushed her to a blank spot on the wall. 

The second that she was pinned, Dina failed to hold back a hitch in her already heavy breathing. She grasped at Ellie’s coat, pulling the windbreaker off of her with ease and tossing it fuck all knows where.

Ellie returned the gesture, unzipping her coat with record speed as she kissed down her jawline. Somewhere along the way, Ellie’s sneakers were removed from the situation, accompanying the rest of the clothing on her floor. 

Dina’s coat was next to come off, discarded to the side as the two finally parted. 

Ellie only took a moment to catch her breath, lips tingling, forest green eyes blown wide with want. 

“Someone’s eager,” Dina taunted, testing the waters as well as she could. 

Ellie just grinned and rolled her eyes, hands finding purchase at Dina’s hips, where she trailed them slowly upwards, under her shirt. She stopped at her stomach, looking back up to meet her eyes, clearly searching for words. 

“ _ Please don’t stop, _ ” Dina breathed, pressing against Ellie’s hand in an attempt to urge her on. 

As she was told, Ellie continued, pulling her away from the wall. Both of them fumbled with their respective clothing, only having enough time to discard their shirts before reaching Ellie’s bed. 

When Dina’s calves hit the frame of the bed, Ellie pushed her back, following her swiftly down and latching onto her neck. 

She knew it was going to leave a mark, and quite frankly, she didn’t give a flying fuck. 

For someone as controlled as herself, Ellie was almost afraid of how her senses were overcome, how enveloped she was in thoughts that she’d never dared to explore. 

Dina’s breath was even shakier than before, the chill of the air nothing in comparison to the heat that Ellie gave off. 

“Off,” Ellie mumbled, making a futile attempt to fumble with her bra clasp. 

Dina just chuckled, lifting her back off the bed and letting Ellie do as she wished, ridding her of any remaining coverage in mere seconds. It was a marvel how talented she was with her hands, especially with how worked up she was, and Dina couldn’t help but be impressed.

As soon as the material was gone, Ellie was at her chest near immediately. She wasn’t expecting Dina to be as sensitive as she had been, but the second Ellie’s lips landed on the soft skin beneath her, she earned herself a throaty whine. That alone was enough to drive her forward, dizzy with all of the possibilities that swam through her mind. 

Her free hand trailed down Dina’s hips, caressing a defined v-line, nearing the exact place where she was needed the most. With terrifying precision, Ellie unbuckled her belt, not bothering to remove it from the loops as she helped Dina out of her jeans. 

It was only a matter of seconds before Ellie kicked her own jeans off, before returning to the task at hand.

Her mind flooded with worry, but she didn’t stop, following Dina as they rearranged themselves on the bed. Now towering over her, she trailed a line of kisses down Dina’s stomach, stopping at her hips.

Eyes twinkling, she glanced up at Dina, only to see how hard she was trying to hold herself back. She couldn’t help but smirk against her skin as she pulled off the last piece of clothing left on the shorter girl, making a show out of it, before tossing them aside and leaning in close to her again.

“El,” she mumbled lowly, her back arching off the bed as Ellie kissed the inside of her thigh. “Please.”

Ellie wanted desperately to be closer. She wanted to make Dina feel every single word that she couldn't quite bring herself to say, wanted to let her know how much she cared. Try as she might, her brain was foggy, body running on autopilot.

When enough was enough, Ellie gave in, leaning into her and putting her tongue to work. Listening to Dina’s whimpers did wonders for her, heating up her body and continuing to push her forward, no matter how much her mind told her that she shouldn't be here, shouldn't be doing this.

As gently as she could, she continued moving against her, breathing growing more ragged as Dina’s hand tangled in her hair. Everything in her mind told her that she was being stupid, that Dina only wanted her physically, that she didn't want her  _ at all. _

No matter how hard she tried to pull herself away from the doubts that swarmed her, she couldn’t. The best she could do was make sure that Dina felt good, that was all she wanted.

Everything that she did felt wrong in the most right way. She knew she shouldn't be where she was, not after seeing how Jesse had been trying to get back with her, definitely not after hiding the way she felt from Dina. 

It was beyond too late to turn back.

Ripped from her racing thoughts as Dina tugged harder on her hair, the pain made Ellie hum softly against her, looking up to watch Dina with her ever prominent puppy dog eyes. 

She wasn't quite ready to admit to herself how much she liked that. 

It was only a matter of minutes before Dina was practically falling apart, and Ellie was quick to notice. She picked up her pace, and despite the ache that formed in her jaw, she couldn’t help but continue, deeming the discomfort entirely worth it. 

Just as Ellie was convinced the grip in her hair couldn't get any tighter, Dina loosened her death grip, coming to a climax that could only be described as entirely and completely overwhelming. Her body tensed under Ellie, back arched, wholly thrown into a half conscious 

All Ellie had to offer was a smug grin as she pulled away. 

═══════════════

If asked, Ellie would not admit to fucking her best friend in the dead of night after shoving all of her emotional baggage into a corner and willing it to stay there until it died off. Even so, there she was, with a seemingly sleepy Dina curled up in her arms, under her covers. 

“Ellie?” 

Surprised at the fact that Dina was even awake, Ellie furrowed a brow, her arm still wrapped around the smaller girl as if to protect her.

“Yeah?” 

Dina remained silent for a moment, before shifting slightly, pulling her face out of the crook of Ellie’s neck to look her in the eyes. “What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing, just thinking.” Ellie lied once again, hoping that the topic could be dropped entirely. 

“Yeah, but what are you thinking  _ about _ ?” Dina asked, brushing a loose strand of hair behind Ellie’s ear. 

“I’m just.. scared you might not want me the way I want you.”

The words hung in the air for a moment too long. Dina pulled away, separating their bodies entirely and laying flat on her back to stare at the ceiling. 

“Is that really what you think of me?” Dina asked, her voice harsher than she intended at first. It hurt Ellie to even hear her upset, especially knowing that she caused it. 

“What? No, not like that, I just-“

Dina cut her off before she could even bother to try explaining. 

“You think I’m only doing this to experiment? That I’m just using you for a fuck?”

Ellie’s breath caught in her throat.

“Dina—“ 

Once again, she wasn’t given the time to get her point across. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Dina grumbled, tossing the covers off of them. In one all too smooth movement, she straddled Ellie’s hips, grasping her shoulders. “And take me.”

Ellie’s eyes widened, though the darkness of the room made it less evident how confused she looked. Dina couldn’t mean any of what she was saying. 

“ _ What _ ?”

Dina rolled her eyes, leaning in the slightest bit closer to Ellie’s body, purposely making as much contact as she could. 

“You heard me. Make me yours. Show don’t tell.”

Ellie was taken aback, her heartbeat picking up in her chest. Try as she might to act like it didn’t affect her, it did, and Dina knew that. 

The mental gymnastics took a moment longer than Ellie would have liked to admit, but eventually she came to the conclusion that they both needed to get it out of their systems, and she was more than willing to provide. 

And so, she did. 

═══════════════

Ellie had accepted the fact that she wouldn’t be getting any good rest. 

Flat on her back, staring at her ceiling, regret washed over her. She wasn’t quite sure if said regret was directed at what she’d said or the mildly angry sex that she was still cooling down from, but whatever it was, it didn’t sit well with her. 

She was undoubtedly tired, but she couldn’t get to sleep. Not with Dina in her bed, only a few inches away yet still worlds apart. No matter how much she wanted to roll over and pull Dina into her arms, she couldn't. Not after whatever that had been. 

Dina would have to come to her this time, even if that was meant to be her responsibility. Even if she desperately wanted to come running back to her only moments later, she couldn’t, not without the assurance that Dina wasn’t mad at her. It felt dumb, but she didn’t want to push for anything that Dina wasn’t ready for. 

All she wanted was to  _ talk.  _ She wanted to say that she was sorry, wanted to make up for what she’d messed up. Her lack of conversational skills had come back to bite her, and all she could do was lay there in silence. 

It was only when Dina rolled over that Ellie was drawn from her thoughts. 

The smaller girl pushed herself up against Ellie, turning her back towards her in silence. When Ellie didn’t move, she took it upon herself to make the next move. 

“Hold me.”

Ellie raised a brow, turning on her side and pulling Dina into her, burying her face in the crook of her neck. One thing she’d never failed to notice was how well Dina fit to her body, and no matter how much anger they had between them, Ellie was comforted by having her there. 

Dina knew how much Ellie wanted to talk things over, but it wasn’t the time. Ellie knew that too. 

Another time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise it wasn’t gonna be like this originally, stg 
> 
> I could’ve given y’all a nice soft chapter but nope 😔 sorry


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am beyond sorry for the fact that this took as long as it did, had to write it primarily on mobile and i’m a coward. going back to schoolwork pretty soon so updates might be a bit less frequent, but i hope y’all enjoy!

When Dina woke up, she knew for a fact that she wasn’t in her own bed.

Wherever she was, it was warm, dim, and more comfortable than she had been in a long time. Her lack of clothing as an afterthought, focused entirely on the strong pair of arms that held her as if she was the most precious and important thing under the sun. 

Rain still pelted down outside, made evident by the way it hit the tin roof. Everything around her smelled oddly akin to pine, save for the scent of whiskey that hung faintly in the air. She barely recognized them as their own tones anymore, so heavily associated with Ellie that they were ingrained in her mind, and probably would stay that way. 

She was happy to know that Ellie still held her close, even in sleep the cutest thing she’d ever seen. Part of her was disappointed that she couldn’t see Ellie’s face, that ever-present sleepy grin that she just couldn’t resist. 

It was enough to be in her arms, she supposed, even if she would have loved to kiss her on the cheek until she woke up and asked for another five minutes. 

She couldn’t. Not with what she’d done the night before.

Dina refused to move, knowing all too well that she couldn’t risk losing the moment, even if Ellie would come running back for her right after if she kept up with her track record. The night prior had been confusing for her, the perfect storm of exhilarating and stressful and  _ painful _ .

It hurt her to hear Ellie so much as insinuate that the only reason she was around was to play around. Dina knew that she wasn’t, and she sincerely wished that Ellie would just catch on. 

Every angry stare that she and Cat shared. Every time she tried to get it across that she just wanted to be with her. All of it would be wasted if she didn’t get it through Ellie’s thick skull that she wanted her more than she would ever know.

Perhaps that was what had kept them apart for so long. 

Their own stupidity. 

Dina wouldn’t put it past them. What Ellie lacked in analytical skills she made up for in charm and book smarts, but nothing could take away from the painful idiocy that made up her love life. 

From there on out, it’d be her personal goal to let Ellie know,  _ for good, _ that she was the one that she wanted. Not Jesse, not any other guy or girl. 

Only her.

It was only as Dina made that silent pledge to herself that she felt Ellie stir behind her, grasp tightening around her body. It was tighter than most people would consider comfortable, but Dina loved every second of it; she loved being held like she was the only thing that mattered to Ellie, like she was safe and protected.

Dina only smiled to herself, closing her eyes and sinking further into Ellie’s arms, wishing that she never had to leave. 

In a very hazy response, Ellie buried her face in Dina’s hair, grumbling tiredly as she did. 

Dina hoped that Ellie wouldn’t be mad about the last night. She felt horrible for how she’d acted, even if it was what they needed in the moment. 

No matter how upset she’d been, she hadn’t expected Ellie to reciprocate, but she was glad that she did. Even if it had only been to get their frustrations out and level the playing field.

Before she could let herself get too lost in what could only be falling back to sleep, Dina shifted around, not quite trying to wiggle free of Ellie’s grasp but most definitely trying to get her attention.

“ _ Just a few more minutes, _ ” she grumbled, still holding her close, eyes shut in a futile attempt to pretend that the world was still dark around her.

Dina rolled her eyes, trying to form a response that could convince her to get up. She knew it wouldn’t happen, not with Ellie, most definitely not with the most stubborn girl in the fort.

“You gotta get up eventually,” Dina said, her voice as soft as possible as to avoid waking her up  _ too _ much. She knew Ellie well enough to know that no matter how much she acted like a morning person, she would never truly be the type to get up and run.

“Whatever. Keep saying that, see where it gets you.” 

Despite her constant desire to hold onto Dina, she loosened her grip, arms still draped over her body to keep her close. 

“We have assignments today.” Dina tried to remain nonchalant, though it was hard to do, her composure long gone. “Tommy wanted us to head up to the mountains for a few days, as long as you’re in working condition.”

Ellie groaned, sleepily as ever, still making an effort to shield her face from the light. 

“Do we have to?” she complained, half rhetorically, half genuinely. 

“Yes, Ellie, we have to.” Dina paused, using her newfound freedom to turn around in Ellie’s arms, facing her. “Unless you’d rather hide away in your house and never see the light of day while I’m up in the mountains, kicking ass, without you by my side.”

Ellie sighed, still making a desperate effort to hide herself from the pressures of the outside world.

“But it’s gonna be cold,” she mumbled, still looking for excuses.

“And if you don’t come,” Dina started, trying to meet her eyes, despite the fact that they were still very much closed. “I won’t have anyone to keep me warm at night.”

“Just get a fucking blanket or something, I don’t know,” Ellie furrowed her brow, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to Dina’s neck, anything to keep herself busy and awake.

“It isn’t the same, not without you there.” 

“Whatever.” It was Ellie’s turn to roll her eyes, lips curling up into a faint smile. “Bite me.”

“When and where?

Giving her shoulder a light shove, Ellie finally pulled away, sitting up and leaning on her headboard. “You drive me fucking insane.”

Dina laughed, following her up, turning to sit on the edge of her bed. “I know.”

Silence fell between them as Dina searched the room for her clothes, splayed in far more places than she would have assumed. Her coat was still cold and somewhat damp from the night before, rain thoroughly seeped through the material. 

Ellie, meanwhile, had moved to her dresser, wrestling with her clothes until she was clothed as much as she was willing to be. 

When Dina decided that her jacket would be too cold, she marched triumphantly over to Ellie’s closet, sifting through until she found a hoodie to steal from her. It was nothing new for either of them, and Ellie didn’t seem to take notice, too busy looking for something to wear.

Just as Dina turned to tidy up the room, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, quirking a brow as she turned back to face Ellie.

“Were you gonna tell me that you left a massive mark on me or was I supposed to find that out on my own?” Dina chuckled, brushing her fingers over the darkened spot on her neck.

Ellie shrugged and joined her in the mirror, still only clad in jeans and a sports bra. She hung her arms over Dina’s shoulders, peeking her head over her shoulder. “You did a number on me, too, you know.” 

Dina only grinned, placing her hands on Ellie’s arms and holding her, tilting her neck to expose the mark that remained on her neck. 

“Guess I’m just gonna have to wear it around today, I’ll make it work.” Dina flashed her a smirk, adjusting the hood of her newly thieved article of clothing. It was far too big on her, and Ellie found it more than charming.

“That’s my hoodie, isn’t it?” Ellie questioned, lips curled up in a faint smile.

“Mhmm.” Dina nodded, shifting around in place as she looked herself over. “I still need to give you your other one back, it’s been a few weeks.”

“You should just keep it at this point.” Ellie chuckled under her breath, leaning in to press another gentle kiss to her neck, smile still painted on her face. “You’re lucky that you’re cute.”

═══════════════

After dropping Dina off at her house and returning home to take a much needed shower, Ellie considered herself ‘alive and kicking’ enough for work. The day was still young, but she was all too aware of her assignments, and for that she kicked herself mentally. 

Sure, a few days up in the mountains with the girl she had been crushing on since day one sounded great and all, but it just  _ had _ to be more complicated. 

As much as she and Dina had acted as if they were on good terms, she knew that there was something between them that needed to be addressed, even if it wasn’t quite apparent to her yet. The night before had been proof enough of that fact, proof that they couldn’t stumble blindly through it.

Much similar to the day prior, the rain refused to give the residents of Jackson a break, making life just a little bit more frustrating. Ellie was sure that Dina didn’t mind, but she couldn’t say the same for herself or her horse.

Luckily, they’d been given the lodge for the week, and it made just as good an outpost as ever. Perhaps it wasn’t the  _ most _ ideal getaway, but the supposed hordes of infected had to be kept at bay somehow. 

She had chosen to ride behind Dina, mostly to keep a better eye on every front -- and for the sake of not getting them lost. Dina was undoubtedly the navigator when it came to the mountain trails.

Ellie refused to admit it, but they both knew it was true.

“Sorry about last night,” Ellie offered, breaking the silence that had hung heavy in the air for the majority of the ride up. “I didn’t mean to say that, it came off wrong, I just.. Fuck.”

Dina shook her head, staring down at the reins in front of her, hands numb around them. “I shouldn’t have blown up on you like that. It was stupid of me.”

“Yeah.” Ellie paused for a minute, searching her mind for something,  _ anything, _ to lighten the conversation. “To be fair, it was really hot -- for an argument and all.”

“Oh really?” Dina mumbled, averting her gaze to damn near anywhere other than Ellie’s general area.

“Yup.”

“You’re so fucking dumb, El,” Dina remarked, trying her best to stay composed. 

“Would you believe that being dumb is my nine to five?” Ellie asked, quirking a brow with mild intrigue. 

“Absolutely would.” 

Ellie chuckled weakly, glancing off to the side of the trail, squinting when she came across a break in the trees. 

“Hey, see that ski lift across the ridge?” she asked, raising a brow. She’d never been over there, but it dawned on her that the building at the top was fairly close to the cabin that they typically used for their overnights.

“Mhm. Haven’t done a sweep in a bit, but it’s fairly well proofed. Been over there a few times,” Dina explained, continuing to press forward. “Anyway, back to the whole ‘Ellie is a dumbass’ thing.”

Scoffing and sitting back in her saddle, Ellie followed hastily after her, eager to be under the cover of the trees again. 

“What about it?” Ellie tested, trying her best to decide whether Dina was being serious or not. It had never been easy to read her, and realistically, Ellie was one of the only people who could. 

“I want you to listen to me for a bit here, yeah?” 

Ellie held back a groan, nodding slightly. “You sound like Maria, but sure.”

Dina narrowed her eyes, all too sure that even if Ellie couldn’t see it, she knew it was happening.

“I really do like you.” Dina swallowed hard, forcing herself to say composed. “And, I don’t want you to think that all of this is just for shits and giggles.” 

Ellie nodded when Dina shot her a glance over her shoulder, not trusting her words. She knew where they usually landed her, and she wasn’t sure that she could handle an entire week of being on bad terms.

“I know it’s hard for you to believe,” Dina started, forcing air into her lungs with seemingly too much effort. “But it’s tearing me apart to see you like this.”

Ellie nodded again, biting her lip. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry.” Dina couldn’t help the faint frown at the corner of her lips, trying her best to stay stoic. “Just stop being, you know,  _ so _ down on yourself.”

“Yeah,” Ellie mustered, face warm with some horrible concoction of embarrassment that she couldn’t seem to shake. Dina had a way of making her feel like the world was falling down on her, and she didn’t quite know how to handle it.

“I walked around with one of your hickeys all morning, and all for that?” Dina jested, trying her best to break the awkwardness that clouded their conversation.

“Easy now. It’s a souvenir.” 

═══════════════

When the two reached the lodge, it was made clear as day that they were in for a long week. 

The sun had already fallen below the horizon when they arrived, stumbling half-blindly through the empty lodge until Dina could light a candle. 

The light did barely anything to illuminate the empty space, and it was then that Ellie realized how much she’d underestimated the size of the cabin. She certainly didn’t appreciate that, more empty space meant that they’d need even more heat, and she put herself to work at the fireplace at the soonest convenience.

“So, you got a plan, o’ smart one?” Ellie said with a huff, stacking the wood in the months empty firepit. 

“We’re just keeping a post here. Said they were worried about groups passing through the valley, but I think it’s bullshit,” Dina responded, putting herself to work with unrolling their sleeping bags.

“Well fuck.” Ellie flipped her lighter open all too flamboyantly, lighting the scraps that remained in the bottom of the fireplace and backing away. As per usual, she fell into a cycle of pacing back and forth, staring at the lights in Jackson from the front window. “I thought that they wouldn’t be coming through for another month?” 

Dina only shrugged, going back to the sleeping bags, letting out a prompt groan of frustration.

“What?” Ellie questioned, stopping in her tracks and turning to face her.

“Rain fucked up my sleeping bag. It’s cold as hell,” Dina practically seethed, tossing it over the banister to dry.

“That’s fine, we can share.” Ellie shrugged, pacing over to a basket near the fireplace. “There’s even extra blankets. We could make a fort if you want,” she proposed, mostly joking. The idea itself didn’t seem too bad, not to her at least.

Dina sighed and quirked a brow, crossing her arms. “You’re cute.” 

Ellie all but snorted, carrying a few of the quilts over and tossing them down by her sleeping bag. After a moment of struggling, she managed to unzip the sleeping bag, laying it down parallel to the fireplace and spreading out the rest of the blankets. 

The whole process left them with the most disastrous nest of blankets they ever did see, and Dina thought it was equally hilarious as it was adorable.

“It works, right?” Ellie remarked, kicking off her boots. “Not gonna be comfortable, but given your track record, I’m sure you’ll just sleep on top of me anyway.”

Dina scowled, albeit for dramatic effect, following suit with her shoes. 

“Are we gonna try finding something for dinner?” Ellie asked, even if the attempt would prove futile.

“It’s late, I’ll make us something tomorrow morning.” Dina sighed, unceremoniously wriggling herself out of her clothes and trying her best to get comfortable in Ellie’s wreck of a blanket pile.

Ellie nodded, moving over to the fire to make sure it would keep through the night. 

“Come over here, freezing my ass off,” Dina said with a faint chuckle. She found no humor in the statement, chilled completely and entirely to the bone from the rain.

Smirk adorning her features, Ellie followed suit, ditching her clothes and situating herself under the covers with Dina.

═══════════════

Although it didn’t seem likely after an entire day of travel, Ellie couldn’t force herself to sleep. 

Despite he mind protesting, every part of her wanted to reach over and hold Dina close, or even hold her hand. It felt stupid, but she couldn’t ignore the thoughts, her heart fluttering at even the concept of being near her.

She wasn’t sure if the paranoia was stemming from the infected that she’d been warned about or the fact that Dina was there, next to her, in dead silence. Maybe both, or maybe something different entirely. She hated every single second of it.

When staring at the ceiling in silence became too much, Ellie spoke up.

“Dina, are you still up?” she mumbled, trying her best to keep her voice soft.

“Hmm?” Dina hummed in response, back turned to Ellie. 

“I know it’s stupid and all, but…” Ellie trailed off, eyes lingering on Dina as she flipped over to face her, clearly exhausted. “Do you think you could, ah, maybe, come closer?” Ellie stammered, still hushing her voice.

Dina couldn’t hold back a grin, scooting closer to Ellie and finding her place in her arms. It seemed dumb to even go out of their way to make it happen at this rate, it’d be far from the first time that Dina had managed to end up in Ellie’s arms with little to no explanation.

“What’s bothering you, babe?” Dina murmured, face nestled comfortably in the crook of Ellie’s neck. 

Ellie went quiet for a good amount of time, one hand carding through Dina’s hair reassuringly -- albeit mostly for herself. The nickname had a way of breaking her train of thought in half, blood rushing to her face. 

“I’m not… not rightly sure.” Ellie paused, trying to put her jumbled thoughts into comprehensible speech. “I just feel off about being up here right now. No different from usual.”

Dina let out a sigh, leaning into Ellie’s touch as she thought, her mind wandering every which way. 

“Tell you what,” Dina said, her tone just as soft and caring as ever. “We can have three different places to meet up, in case we aren’t together. That way if anything goes wrong, you know where to look for me.”

Ellie nodded ever so slightly, no matter how perplexing the idea sounded to her. 

_ Three places?  _ Ellie didn’t have even the slightest clue how that would ease her mind, but she’d play along if Dina wanted her to. Maybe she’d be pleasantly surprised.

Anything would be worth a try, she figured, but her approach was apprehensive at best. That was all she had to offer in plenty of situations. Uneasiness. 

Dina smiled against her neck, trying to think up a plan. It was easier said than done, living amidst a countless amount of mindless demon spawn and all.

“How’s this sound; we’ll have the ski lift, that bunker by the old house south of here, and up here as our home base.”

Ellie nearly scoffed at how invested she seemed, lips quirking up into a faint smile.

“Yeah, I can do that.” The amusement in her tone was clear, but she took it into consideration regardless. No idea was too stupid for the one and only Ellie Williams.

“Sounds like a plan to me.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more laptop issues. gosh, I'm sorry for the wait to anyone who's still keeping up with this, my writing process has devolved into madness
> 
> please let me know if y'all would like me to reply to comments more often, I'd love to talk to you more but I don't want to be annoying ❤

The moment Ellie came to her senses, she was hit with sudden and apparent realization that her body was beyond sore. 

Sleeping on a hardwood floor was — in her educated opinion — far from ideal. Through some confusing chain of events, she had ended up on her back, with Dina half draped over her. 

The warmth that Dina gave off certainly didn’t go unnoticed, and at that point, it was one of the only redeeming qualities of her sleep. 

She was glad to see that the rain had come to a halt, leaving the skies dull and cloudy. Anything was better than being pelted with frigid water while trying to get through the day. 

The sun still hadn’t come up entirely, but it was hard to judge where it was through the haze of clouds that hung over them.

When she finally accepted the fact that she’d have to move eventually, Ellie leaned towards Dina’s neck, pressing a faint kiss to her skin in an attempt to wake her. She would have taken a more direct approach, but her fear of Dina’s reflexes was enough to push that idea away. 

“Morning babe,” Ellie muttered, leaning back on the makeshift pile of blankets. 

Dina groaned quietly and rolled off to her side, tugging the blankets off of Ellie and burying her head under them. “Fuck off.”

“Rude.” Ellie huffed and sat up, stretching her arms forward. Just as she went to push herself to her feet, Dina clutched her by the wrist and pulled her back down, still hiding her face under the blankets.

“Stay. Please.” Dina paused, peeking her head up as she clung to Ellie’s side. “I’m cold.” 

Ellie rolled her eyes, shifting to be closer to her. “I was gonna put more wood on the fire, but alright. Only ‘cause I like you.”

Dina scoffed and tossed the blanket over her, pulling her closer and leaning into her, clearly trying to hold her in place. “Don’t let this go to your head, but you’re a good heat source. Usually.”

With a weak sigh, Ellie decided to give in, letting Dina do as she pleased. She didn’t mind killing a bit of time, especially if it meant less of the day had to be spent scouting.

“For someone who was calling me on my bullshit yesterday, you’re not much of a morning person yourself,” Ellie mused, smiling to herself with pure satisfaction. 

“Whatever. You love me for it,” Dina said with a chuckle, though the statement didn’t hold much humor to her. 

“You don’t know that.” Ellie yawned, pulling her legs closer to her body. Dina only responded by pulling her in more, arms thrown tightly around her.

They stayed silent for a while longer than either of them should have. Before Ellie could fall asleep again, she forced herself out of Dina’s arms, trying her best not to disturb her.

Dina let out a noise of protest, but Ellie kept moving, stretching her arms out as the cold air hit her. Instead of turning away as she normally would when Ellie was half naked in front of her, Dina only observed, intrigued by the way the light hit her muscles just right.

Ellie knew that Dina would be avidly staring her down, and instead of making a remark, she only smirked and went about her business. 

Pacing over to her duffel bag, Ellie grabbed a pair of jeans and a grey t-shirt, quickly dressing herself. 

“So, you gonna make something for us or do I need to work it out?” Ellie asked, not expecting an answer. She knew it was bad for her, but she wouldn’t mind going longer without eating, she’d done it before and she’d do it again. 

Something about the area they were posted in didn’t quite sit right with her, but she blamed it on the rocky night of sleep and lack of food.

“I brought some jerky, if you want it. Maybe you can go hunting and find us something good for dinner.” Dina huffed, pushing herself off the floor and stretching her arms over her head. “Fuck, I’m glad that you let me sleep on top of you last night, I’m sore as hell.”

Ellie rolled her eyes and watched with crossed arms as Dina made a show out of getting dressed, smiling knowingly every time their eyes met. “How come I’ve gotta do all the boring shit?”

Dina shrugged as she pulled her shirt over her head. “I don’t make the rules. Would you rather patrol on your own?”

“No.” Ellie paused, watching all too intently as Dina fumbled with the hem of her shirt, trying to get it to sit right on her hips. “I’d rather be with you.”

“Mhmm.” Dina turned and shrugged on her jacket, buttoning it up as she turned to Ellie again. “It’ll be fine, it’s only a scouting trip. We’ve got a few weeks before we even need to worry about the infected, don’t even worry.”

Ellie grumbled something to herself, which Dina assumed to be a ramble about how she’d worry either way. Dina didn’t doubt it. 

“You gonna get a coat?” Dina questioned, watching as Ellie haphazardly shoved things in her backpack on the other end of the room.

“I dunno.” Ellie paused her rummaging and turned to face her, lips pressed into a thin smile. “Should I?”

Dina sighed and nodded her head, looking far too exhausted with Ellie already. “Yes. Yes you should.” She went quiet as she walked over to her bag, digging through until she found Ellie’s hoodie and tossed it at her. 

Through some sort of miracle, Ellie caught it, tugging it over her head and breathing in the way Dina’s smell clung to it. She wasn’t quite expecting to be so caught up in the way it smelled, of all things, but it was welcome no less.

“You’re welcome,” Dina said, turning back to her belongings and working on organizing them.

Ellie went back to her bag as well, making sure everything was at quick access and slipping her knife into the waistband of her jeans. After packing up more of her supplies and swinging her backpack over her shoulder, Ellie shot Dina a glance, brow quirked. 

It took her far longer than she would like to admit to get her shoes on, wrestling with the rain-soaked converse like they’d done a disservice to her very bloodline.

“I’ll meet you back here in a couple of hours and we’ll eat, alright?” Dina asked, trying to bring some type of order into their system. “Just try and catch something.”

Ellie nodded and went for the door, fumbling with the rusty lock and stumbling down the front steps. She rounded the corner to the carport, where Shimmer and Japan were hard at work eating the grass that had creeped up into the covered area. 

A faint smile landed on her face as she pulled Shimmer’s bridle off of their makeshift rack. Thankful for how well their horses were trained, she managed to fasten the leather around her face and move her away to saddle her up. With as much practice as she had, it didn’t take long.

As she exited the covered area, Ellie stopped Shimmer, sinking her foot into the stirrup and pulling herself onto the horse’s back. The trees hung a bit too low for her taste, excess rain water dripping down onto her whenever she passed a particularly large branch. 

For once in her life, Ellie was far from excited to hunt. 

═══════════════

Despite the adrenaline that should’ve been running through her veins, Ellie was tired of her trip before it could even begin. She wanted nothing to do with it, and she hadn’t been able to find a single thing for the last half an hour. 

Maybe they’d have to settle for jerky.

The thought itself didn’t bother her, it was the idea of letting down one of the only people who had an opinion that she cared about that was annoying. 

She knew Dina wouldn’t be mad, that she’d get over it immediately. She was well aware that Dina would move on just as she had time and time again, but Ellie didn’t want to lower her expectations, she wanted to raise them. 

If she could impress Dina, she knew she’d done something right.

Sometimes Dina would get excited over some of the smallest things Ellie did, even if they were of little relevance in the grand scheme of things. For the longest time they’d had a competitive side to their relationship, constantly trying to push each other forward.

Ellie loved that about her, how she and Dina could go back and forth with each other and never get bored, never lose interest. 

It was only when she was alone that she truly came to appreciate those facts, when she didn’t have Dina by her side to urge her forward and make her want to do everything within her power to show off. 

She was reminded at the end of the day that she was just like anyone else, only trying to get by. Sometimes it felt nice to entertain the thought that she and Dina would be the only two people left at the supposed end of the world, but those moments were fleeting and short lived.

When her thoughts got too much and she had to force herself to stop and take in the world around her, Ellie’s eyes landed on the exact thing she’d been looking for.

She pulled back on Shimmer’s reins, to which the horse stopped in her tracks, made uneasy by the water that had accumulated on the road. 

Sitting beneath one of the low hanging plants that surrounded the roads, a dark brown rabbit tore away at the grass, unbothered by Ellie’s appearance. Perhaps it hadn’t noticed, or maybe it didn’t care, but Ellie thanked her lucky stars before taking her bow off of her shoulder and pulling back an arrow.

Knowing all too well that it’d never be an easy thing to do, Ellie took her aim and released the arrow, closing her eyes after as if she couldn’t bring herself to witness it.

Without a stumble, she put her bow back to its place on her shoulder, removing herself from Shimmer’s back and heading over to collect the rabbit.

With as little contact as possible, Ellie brought it over to her horse and retrieved her arrow, returning it to her backpack with the rest of them. In a quick few movements, she tied the rabbit to her saddle, patting the horse reassuringly on the shoulder. 

She’d only dug into thirty minutes of her allotted couple of hours, whatever that time frame amounted to. Deciding that she was still rearing to go, Ellie got back onto her horse and pressed onward.

═══════════════

When Ellie returned to the lodge, Dina was nowhere to be found. She expected that she’d be back sooner than Dina, considering the differences between their responsibilities for the day. 

Knowing all too well that if she didn’t wait for Dina to prepare everything she’d be lectured, Ellie hung the two rabbits she’d caught on the banister, leaning down to try and poke at the fire. The coals that remained were good in numbers, but she was unsure of how long they’d last.

Deciding it’d be better to be safe than sorry, Ellie placed another two logs on the fire, watching as the flames crawled back out from beneath the wood. It was admittedly far nicer than being out in the rain, seeing as she was still shivering ever so slightly. 

Ellie sat back and crossed her legs, holding her hands up to the fire in an attempt to feel anything in them that wasn’t static. 

Just as she felt her eyes begin to close, Dina flung the door open so hard that it should’ve fallen off the hinges. Ellie was upright in seconds, eyes wide with shock.

“What the fuck? Dina!” Ellie exclaimed, arms out defensively, trying to hide how terrified she was.

Throwing her head back with laughter, Dina closed the door behind her, shrugging her coat off and tossing it over the back of a chair. 

“That was absolutely priceless,” Dina said with another wheeze, pacing over to the fireplace. 

“Fuck off!” Ellie sighed, still trying to slow her heartbeat in her chest. “I thought you were a raider or- or, I don’t fucking know, hurt--” Ellie cut off, staring at the floor beneath her. She was embarrassed at how worked up she was getting, but it was hard not to be terrified. “Don’t do that to me again.”

Dina stopped in place, turning on her heel and furrowing her brow. 

“You mean to tell me that if I  _ was  _ hurt you’d be screaming bloody murder?” 

It was Ellie’s turn to go tense, looking like she’d been caught red handed. “What? No. I wouldn’t even care.” She went still, scratching the back of her neck. “Wouldn’t care at all,” she reiterated, letting out a quick laugh under her breath.

Dina’s lips turned up in a smirk, clearly amused with herself. 

“Seriously. You could come back all sorts of bloodied up and I wouldn’t even bat an eye,” Ellie said, her voice only getting more rushed as she continued trying to explain herself.

“Sure you wouldn’t.”

“I’m fuckin’ telling you. Need me to prove it to you?”

Dina nearly broke her smirk to laugh, but instead turned back to making their food. She had plenty of time to annoy Ellie later.

═══════════════

The rest of the day went by fairly fast, from eating their painfully bland but still decent lunch to faring the trail that they decided to explore for the day. Nothing in the woods seemed to have it out for them, save for the mud that Ellie had slipped in time and time again.

When the evening rolled around and the two returned home, Ellie spent nearly an hour haphazardly splitting wood. She was beyond frustrated that the rest of the wood was left to be at the mercy of the elements, and Dina didn’t want to get in her way.

As soon as the sun had fully dropped in the sky, Ellie put herself to work rekindling the fire, occasionally cursing out the twigs when they didn’t catch. It took longer than she’d admit, but when the flame caught, she couldn’t help but be proud.

It took awhile to ease her nerves, but sitting in silence next to the fire for what seemed like hours with Dina cuddled up to her side did wonders for her. 

She wanted to break the silence, but she couldn’t, regardless of how hard she tried.

Sure that something was going on with her, Dina took the initiative, sitting up and looking over to meet Ellie’s nervous look.

“Still freaked out about being up here all alone?” Dina asked, one brow raised with concern. 

Ellie shrugged, sparing one glance in Dina’s direction before turning back to the fire in front of her. She hated how hard it became to look her in the eye, and it was painfully obvious that she wished that she didn’t.

“Would it help if we tried to take your mind off of all of it?” Dina suggested, reaching up and running her fingers down Ellie’s jaw. 

It took a moment for her to register exactly what she heard, but Ellie couldn’t even bring herself to be shocked. Slowly but surely, she was realizing that this ‘pushing of the boundaries’ thing was becoming the new normal. She liked it that way.

“Worth a try,” Ellie mumbled, unable to force back the sheepish grin that formed on her face. She had promised herself to take every opportunity that Dina handed to her, and despite her better judgement, knew that she had to try and push back.

It was almost  _ too _ obvious that Dina felt the same.

The silence that fell between them was replaced with a gentle kiss when Dina leaned in and pressed her lips to Ellie’s, silencing any witty remarks or complaints. They both knew what they wanted, and Dina would stop at nothing to get there.

Ellie pushed back with just about as much ferocity as she could muster, making a very clear effort to assert herself. Dina thought little of it. They both recognized the fact that Ellie was the more dominant -- albeit not quite domineering -- of the two. 

That had always been part of what Dina saw in her, how she always seemed to come out on top effortlessly. 

It was only when Ellie took Dina’s lip between her teeth that the situation escalated, parting for air for a split second.

When taking a break to breathe became boring, Ellie pushed forward again, her hands wandering wherever they could reach. Much to Ellie’s chagrin, Dina didn’t give her what she wanted, forcing herself to stay silent.

Maybe it was the thought of being locked away in their own world while the earth fell apart outside, but Ellie’s head was spinning in the same way it always had around Dina. Maybe it’d be for the best if she slowed down, for her personal safety and all. She ignored that thought.

When Ellie’s hands landed on Dina’s body, one at her shoulder and the other on the back of her head, it didn’t take much to get her to the ground. Ellie found purchase straddling Dina at the hips, yet just as she was about to lean in again, she froze in place.

The eye contact between them was uncomfortable at best, despite how worked up they’d been only a moment prior.

Ellie wasted no time pushing herself off of Dina’s hips, sitting on the floor next to her as if they hadn’t just been sucking face. It would’ve been funny if she didn’t feel so incredibly put off.

A surprise to both of them, Dina didn’t try to move any closer to Ellie. She sat up and looked at her worriedly, but didn’t dare break down the rigid boundary that had sparked between them in seconds.

“Are you alright?” Dina tested, hugging her knees to her chest as she eyed Ellie up and down.

Ellie shook her head, averting her attention to the fire, then back to Dina, then anywhere else. “I’m good, I just-- sorry.” 

Dina shook her head, clearly just as tired with Ellie as she would be on any given day. What she wanted would have to wait, and she didn’t mind that.

“Do you want to go to sleep?” Dina asked, trying her best to stay calm and reassuring. If Ellie wanted to avoid the topic, so would she. Running off of speculations was fairly easy when it came to her, especially after all of their years as friends. 

Ellie nodded, tentatively at best, trying her best to be invisible to the world. She snuck off into the darkness of the room and wasted no time ridding herself of her clothes, stuffing them into her duffle bag. 

When she turned around, Dina was already pulling her shirt over her head, and Ellie had to force herself not to stare too hard. It was common knowledge that Dina would get a kick out of knowing how much Ellie stared at her.

Any person in their right mind would never let Ellie live it down should the word spread, and she took that as a fact.

No matter how hard she tried to pull herself from her thoughts, Ellie was stuck in her mind as she paced over to their pile of blankets, flopping down onto the floor with a faint huff. 

“That was elegant,” Dina commented, following shortly after her.

“Better give that one a ten.” Ellie rolled over on her side, facing away from Dina and staring off towards the fire.

“We’ll go with that,” Dina replied, pulling the covers over them with a discomforted tug. She didn’t wait for Ellie to ask her for cuddles, moving up closer to her and slipping her arm over Ellie’s side, face buried in her neck.

She could get used to this.

The silence that overtook the room was getting to be too much, but Ellie was far too exhausted to protest. So much as trying to keep her eyes open was a task.

With Dina’s arms tight around her, Ellie let out one last yawn, sinking further under the blankets and finally letting sleep overtake her.


End file.
